Lipstick Cover-Up

I should've mentioned that yesterday. Isabel has never had any trouble sleeping, like I said she's been sleeping through the night since about 6 weeks old, except when she was sick with fever, but that's true for all my kids.

So last night we were worried, but guess what. I put her down in her crib AWAKE, and she fell asleep, ON HER OWN, no crying. We do use soft music, it times out after 10 or 15 minutes I think. She didn't wake up till 6:45 am to eat. I should add that yesterday she did get both of her naps in, good naps, and we didn't put her down as early as we had been. Kept her up an extra 45 minutes or so. Hubby did some research I guess and felt these would be good things to try. She's always taken naps, but in the past week her schedule has been off. I know it's not a pattern yet, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed for tonight.

On another note, my dear mother came over tonight with her new husband. Try as they might, they just don't really like us. I said as much. The response was, "Oh, don't be silly, he likes you all just fine" *this was out of his presence, and she was trying so hard to convince me, so I know he doesn't really like us but does want there to be a level of comfort*for my mother's sake I think* She brought boxes of her hand me downs, bowls, cannister set, draperies, various items that she thought I could use, then she brought the DAD box.

My father, if you don't already know, died in February of 2004. We were all very close to him, it was a long dying process. He had lupus, heart and lung disease, and lastly lung cancer. He was in hospice, and his death and dying never defined who he was.

Well the DAD box consisted of items of his. Mugs I had given him, hats I had given him (he loved baseball hats, and some very stylish hats as well), he was a huge NY Giants fan, season ticket holder all my life, we are all fans to this day. Well, he went to the SuperBowls when they were in them and would get the plaque of the team at the end of the winning seasons, well this plaque was in the BOX. One of the hats was his favorite, BG knows the one, it's in the picture she swiped from mom's house, the USS Connolly hat that he had on in the wedding shot. (That was the ship my brother in law was on when he was in the Navy). Lots of little treasures for me, for my family, but I guess I had a look on my face. Mother says, "Well I kept a couple of his hats, they are mine and that's it, MINE, but I have no use for all this stuff, I don't want to just keep it all in a box, thought you all might have a use for some of it." I understand, I do, BUT, there are things I just keep in a box. They don't have any implied USE, they just are. They are little memories. We all have them I thought, we all keep things like this, I thought. Maybe she just can't anymore, maybe it's just too much for her. I know she has items like this of my sister's, a large chest of drawings and sketches that she'd done. Cards and notes she'd written, pictures, etc. They don't have a use they just are.

I want to understand my mother, I just don't. She's experienced more loss in her life than I, and I hope I never have to, the loss of 2 husbands, the death of a child. There is only so much one can bear I guess. She has faith, I think it guides her, but I think also for her now her life is more about survival, finding happiness, or what she perceives as such, for the remainder of her days. I think she's giving up a lot to go down the road she's chosen, but for her it must make sense. I just miss who she used to be. I see flashes of it, and I have good times, moments really, with her. I want to be able to accept things the way they are. I'm just having a hard time doing it. My new tactic will be to try and let it go, let go of the worry and concern and just to be when I'm with her. If she needs me she knows where I am and my door is always open.