Lipstick Cover-Up

I just checked out the site and called the lady who runs the campground....To let you all know my campsite has free WIFI! Lots of tame ducks, bunnies and squirrels, none of them are shy, they like coming right up to you and saying, "hey lady, can i have another smore? How bout one of those hot dogs you refuse to eat, can't be that bad"

Waterfalls look beautiful, no bears *i think*, this is not the wild that's for sure.
But there's also NO room service and NO nice soft terry robe awaiting me after my steam shower:( The river is lovely, the fishing lake is stocked so my kids "will cathem some fish forsure ma'am" according to the good folks that run the place.

I will take Cad's advice and put everything away after I use it and wash it, b/c these very friendly rodents will pitch a tent and hang here if I don't. It's in the 70's this weekend, should be lovely, we're bringing bikes, kites, fishing gear, and board games too!

I'll have so much quality family time I'll be aching to get back to my solitary job!!

We're off, the whole family is going camping this weekend. It's a shocker to me too I know.

As a child it was literally the only type of vacation we ever took, we'd go camping every year, Spring Gulch campground, in Pennsylvania, a day at Hershey Park, some mini golf at the campground, shopping at the Amish country IGA grocery , SOOO GOOOD!!! and a night out at the "smorgasboard", let me tell ya the PA Dutch knew how to do it!

Lots of good memories, good times, smiles and hugs. Swimming, biking, dancing, and being stupid. My Daddy once burned a pair of Buddha Girl's shoes, they were HORRIBLE, in awful shape had tape holding them together, we went swimming one afternoon, came back and the shoes were in the fire pit. Not sure she ever truly forgave that, but he said they'd melted some from being left too close to the fire:)

We used tents, camping stove, we roughed it, but back then, I thought it was THE BEST! Never stayed in a hotel, didn't know what that fancy stuff was all about. Fast forward to today, I am a spoiled woman, my kids are spoiled, we stay at nice places, we have room service, we go the luxury route when ever possible on vacations, THEY ARE VACATIONS I say, live it up if we can! Friends of ours do the RV thing, they've been trying for years to get us to join them and this weekend we will. We are renting a camper, a nice one I think 33ft they say whatever that means, kitchen and potty and shower and beds, but still sounds a little rough to me. I think it'll be fun, we'll go on hikes and fish and they even have mini golf putt putt there, fishing and tubing (don't think it'll be that warm for tubing, but I'm packing suits just in case), it'll be such a flashback I can't wait!

Now camping with a baby, we did this once when I was a kid, some of our best friends had a newborn, me and sisters were all in highschool, they came with us and it was interesting. Well, we'll try it this weekend, my little bean, all of 4 months, will have her first camping at the same time as her older siblings. I'll let you know how it goes. Wish us luck, send us good weather, fingers crossed, praying hard for that! I'm going equipped with good wine, LOTS, a book, and a happy spirit! I hope it's enough.

By the way the trip with the baby when we were kids, my parents let us all bring friends, they always did, that time there were 9 kids total with my family, only 3 were ours, the rest were friends, lots of fun. On the way home Buddha Girl drove her little sporty car with the Baby in the back seat to help out the family friends, they needed a little break , everyone thought it would be SO cute. Well on the way home, she got stuck on the wrong side of a big rig and was shoved off the highway on an off ramp, there was no ON ramp, she was lost, we had no idea where and there were no cell phones back then unless they were as big as your entire head and you were really rich!

Good times, good times! I will stay on the road with our friends guiding us, I will not get lost I hope, and I'll bring plenty of extra diapers and bottles, just in case!

Lots of Love,

lil'sis

Not what you think, I mean I can be very difficult somedays. My PMS is roaring, I feel like I'm trying to cage a velociraptor (sp?) these past few days, it's tough. I told hubby last night, "Honey, I'm so cranky, so tense, bitchy, I'm really sorry, I'm trying to keep it all in check, but sometimes...." Well he was great, rising to the occaision to let me know, "Babe, take a look at the calendar, I think you're "due" soon right" Oh the shame, I am a victim of my hormones once AGAIN. I was close to going bonkers on Sunday afternoon and my oldest comes in and says, "Momma, you calming down in here?" I was at the kitchen sink, where it seems I spend more waking hours than most other places since our dishwasher broke, IN FEBRUARY!!, I told her probably I wasn't calming down yet, why, she says in a beautifully clear voice (now this is key here because Loud Girl has a bit of a speech delay part of the after effects of her chemotherapy) "When I'm upset I tell myself to Breathe momma, you taught me that, so just breathe ok, you'll feel better"

Love this kid! love her love her love her. Perspective is oh so important for me. When I feel like shit and I feel like my life has so many issues, I have to just say perspective to myself. Turn on CNN, my life could be so much worse! Reminding myself of this is a must, I could be in Iraq, or God Forbid, IRAN, OR EVEN WORSE, Super WALMART!!!

There are just times it's hard and I need a good yank back to reality, and my Emmy did that for me, B-R-E-A-T-H-E. A bloggy friend is having a hard time, I say to him, Breathe. You can do it, there will be better days, there is a silver lining. You are a good person...breathe.

The Big Dance is going on now, or Road to the Final Four, ya know, the NCAA tourney, this has always been a big deal in my family, always. The first week of the tourney is by far the best practically 15 hours straight for 2 solid days nothing but college ball. Don't ask my why it's great it just is. For many years I've shared this with my sisters and mostly my Daddy. We'd talk on the phone, I'd call him from work for updates, he'd call me with the days upsets and big plays. I miss him so much, but during the Dance his absence is piercing. For most of my life and especially the past 10 years I talked to my dad several times a day, everyday, I ate breakfast with him, would meet him for lunch, we'd do shopping together at the grocery. He was the one I'd call to tell everything, I got a raise, I got a bonus, I got a broken heart, my daughter has cancer, my baby is sick, me and hubby had an argument, I'd share everything with him. He was all this to my husband as well. My hubby comes from a broken home, he didn't know what family was until he came in to mine. My daddy was his dad in so many ways. His confidant, his friend, counselor, golfing buddy. Thinking of you Daddy, raising a steaming cup of java and thinking of you, always rooting for the Cinderella team. Go GEORGE MASON!

Lots of love,
Lil'sis

They can't be serious can they, check out one of the "top" stories listed today on MSN.com at the link below, I must agree with the commentary, is this the biggest threat, aren't there greater things worth legislating?


http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6308419/

Now, I'm an admited prude and you wouldn't catch me dead at an establishment selling these types of wares, but come on people, let it go!

Dumb, as a bag of hammers. I have my moments, but right now just beats all, I thought I was educated, I have a degree, but in my readings today I find that I am not, I am stupid. My mutterings are just that, pointless senseless mutterings. I'm not as well read as I would like, not nearly as worldly as I hoped at 18 I would be by now.


I don't write as well as I speak, I know this. I think well in action, in conversation, but writing is just not the same for me yet, maybe not ever. So I'll look stupid on paper? That's comforting. Maybe I just don't have anything to say, that could be it, I just have little to share that merits writing it down. I'm shallow? I hope not. I can write about events, give me a topic I'll do it justice, but this on the fly thing, I'm not so good at, it's all a conversation to me I guess. I read posts by others, folks I don't know, never will no and I can see the story they are sharing, I feel the bit of their happiness or pain they are getting out. I'll admit I have an uneasiness about sharing things very personal to me, I have a fear of some crackpot reading a post and tracking me down b/c they disagree or think I'm horrible or exploiting what I share somehow. I've seen stalkers in action, they are scary people. Not that I think that highly of myself that someone would do that to me, but I never said it was a reasonable fear. Being judged is not something I like and I think about that too, whoever reads this could be of that type, I'm not so naive to think that this place is free of that, but why do I care about that honestly?

I don't quote famous authors, I don't know the classics, I know what I like, I know what makes me happy, so that'll be enough, and I'm not stupid. I might want to write these things down on paper instead of here huh?

A friend of mine just shared with me that she is pregnant. She is 41, this will be her second child, she is happy, scared out of her mind, nervous, and amazed all at once. Having just had a child that was not planned, but such a blessing, I know a bit how she's feeling. I'm praying for her and her family, I'm wishing her health, happiness and the bit of luck you need to get through this. Her spouse hasn't spoken to her for a week because of this, how did this happen, they just bought their new home, child is just getting out of paid care and starting school, they were going to be SAVING a little. She has a great attitude, she's taking it all in stride and said he's coming around now, just this morning actually spoke about it and told her he is happy, just SCARED OUT OF HIS MIND, not just about being a dad again really, he's scared for her health, the baby, their family, can they do this in every way, financially, emotionally....she told me "I just told my Daddy yesterday, I'm 41 and was still nervous to tell my Daddy." I wanted to cry but smiled, I know exactly how she feels on that one. She still calls him Daddy too when she speaks of him, I love that.

Happy thoughts to L and family today, big hard hugs too!

A really good day, ya know, everything clicks, things just seem to pan out for you, good food, fun with the family, good lovin' ( I probably shouldn't put it in that order but that was the day's events:)) Good dreams, happy stuff ya know. I love those days, sometimes I'll start off like that and just like running through the forest and slamming into the tree you don't see it'll end. I hate the abrupt, "bringing me down" moment(s).

Well yesterday I didn't hit the tree in the proverbial forest, it just went well. Nothing amazing, honestly I'm too much of a prude to tell you if it was amazing or not, but everything just fell into place. Baby to bed early, relax with the kids, reading, they went to bed well, had time with Hubby AND got to talk to him too without interruption.

It's springtime in Virginia now and we are having our annual, "last kick in the pants from old man winter who doesn't want to be gone" sleet storm, maybe snow later, always happens like that, we get a few days of 80 degree weather in Feb and March followed by the end of March snow or ice storm. I like being able to count on this happening, it's no longer a surprise to me. The last chill till fall starts nipping at my heels. We are supposed to have our first T-ball(coach-pitch, if I don't add that Greenie would be mad, he's so excited to be moving up to "real" ball now) tonight, we'll see how long it takes for them to cancel it.

When one chooses not to worry about the things that cause anxiety, frustration, dread even, things really do look brighter. I feel those worries trying to pull me in, get me all riled up, but today I'm choosing to not give in to it. I'm choosing to be content, happy, worry free...that is till I balance the checkbook later I'm sure, but hey give at least a B for effort.

Once i get this bloggy thing down a bit more I'll post what other bloggies I really like, of course I always check out Buddha Girls World, It's Never Dull, and Cadbury ( I like both of his), I wander around to ones that they have links to as well, always fun, sometimes disturbing (Buddha Girl you know what I mean); so if anyone has recommendations, let me know, the Southern Circle of Hell is good too! Really I don't know how to do the pics or the links or any of that stuff yet, but I'll keep at it, and maybe one day in the not to far off future what a site this will be.

All the Best to you friends in bloggy land, keep the faith and breathe.

Lots of love,
Lil Sis

Good weekend, I think, I don't really remember much of it between the 3 birthday parties, horse back riding lessons, supposed dinner date with friends that turned into the shopping trip from haites, play dates, church, religion classes for the kids, tax preparation for friends, that's right I do taxes FOR FREE on the side, why? I LIKE IT, I know crazy right, pooping baby (little beaner is on antibiotics for the first time, she is getting over an ear infection and they are giving her little 15 week old body the poopies!)

But it was good I think, I'm tired, ready to get back to work and rest a little:)

My lost post of last week explored my need to be a little selfish, I really wanted to be for a day, and in my search for a little "me" time, I made it a point to go to Starbucks more than once this weekend, it helped, truly, getting that Breve Latte a few times, even with children in tow was relaxing, empowering even.

On to real news though, Hubby is on the mend, REALLY! So good to have him back ya know, for a bit there it was touch and go, wasn't sure where or when we'd land from the cosmos that was his being sick, but things are measurably better and I am happy for him and our family. He's decided that he wants to go back to work, not sure when or doing what, but the search begins. (History lesson: My hubby is a retired policeman, he retired for a few reasons, the least of which is the horrible compensation offered to those that protect and serve, along the lines of the horrible treatment that educators get (small prayer for my sisters here++), more so because of health concerns and it coincided with the addition of our last child, Little Bean, who he decided he'd like to stay home with) The thought of finding quality full-time child care is making me queasy, breathe. We'll see how this goes, I was all ready for the kids to be home with him for the summer, no day care, just a couple of weeks of summer camp maybe, well the search is on now, must find fun and educational entertainment and activity for offspring, keep their imaginations, bodies, and minds working....the pressure!

Hope you all had a wonderful St. Patrick's Day, it's not just for the Irish ya know! My son, Greenie, well he embraced this holiday this year, immersed his 6 year-old self in everything St. Paddy related. He spouted the history of St. Patrick, which I found quite entertaining, I didn't know it all that's for sure, http://www.historychannel.com/exhibits/stpatricksday/?page=patrick, he had to make a leprechan trap for school, we colored our milk green, lots of fun things around the house had tricks played on them. I was looking for his kelly green polo shirt for him to wear and he winks at me and said, " I don't want to wear green, I WANT to get pinched!"

Have I stated here before how much I HATE WALMART, well I do, and the shopping trip with a friend this weekend proved it all over again, she insisted I just must try this superwalmart that she goes to, I did, I HATED IT, filled with rank dirty displays, just gross looking I tell ya, I felt like I needed to wash the second I walked in, greenie sat down on the floor, I FREAKED, GET UP GET UP, I had to purell him immediately, doodle girl knows better, she wouldn't touch anything without a papertowel in her hand, LOVE IT. held Little Bean in her carrier the whole time and left early, not to mention the rude help there, NO HELP is better than that.

Well, off I go, we have a Dr. Seuss read-a-thon again tonight, bring on the SNEECHES!

Posted, or tried to the other day and blogger has let me down, it was a goodie I tell ya

A big shout out to Dr. Seuss today, I feel like the hip happy chip chappy and I'm not ashamed to shout about it! This is from one of my faves, "The Sneetches".

A bit of history here, my kids love Seuss, they've only really started to LOVE his works in the past year, we've had the books, we've read them, but in the past year they have become a part of our family, I can recite many of the prose verbatum as can my offspring, sometimes I fear the baby when she begins to speak it will be in rhythmic verse, which wouldn't be a bad thing in our home, the outside world may think differently however I fear. This particular line is from Sylvester McMonkey McBean, he comes to save the Sneetches by either giving to or taking from them the stars on thar bellies. A wonderful lesson in prejudice and scam artists I think, and acceptance, which leads me to my bloggy for the day.

I ACCEPT: my problems because they are lessons for me, blessings in disguise.

In retrospect, this is always true for me, whether I like it or not and I hope that I will continue to think this way to believe this way. If I can glean a lesson and find a silver lining from the challenges that come my way then in the end WOOHOO for me. I don't want to be bitter I don't want to regret, I want to learn and so far have been lucky to do so I think.

From my husband I have and still do learn perserverance, strength, humor, and humility...my children teach me daily oh so many lessons the greatest of which yesterday was patience but that is a topic for another bloggy:)

The illness of my daughter, cancer, showed me the strength I had within me to endure, to face fear, to be a provider and caretaker 24/7 and be forever grateful for the opportunity. I saw resilience first hand from her in her battle, she like her father and grandfather showed great perserverance, courage and beauty in her fight.

The illness and death of my father, well he taught me so much, but in his last days he showed a level of dignity, grace and compassion which I can only hope and pray I have someday. The absence of fear for himself and only his concern for his family was tremendous. His unwavering love for us, with no conditions, is something I cherish and am so thankful to have had.

I accept that my house will never be really organized, it will always have clutter and dust bunnies lurking under things, but it will always be welcoming and have warmth and love.

I accept that I make choices and those choices have consequences, God grant me the ability to choose wisely and forgive me when I don't.

I accept the fact that I'm not perfect, never will be. I try and do good, to make a difference, but I know the bitchy girl in me comes out on occaision, and SHE ALWAYS WILL, that is me, I live, laugh and love. I cry, get angry, and stew over things sometimes too. I am me and I accept that.

I'm learning a bit each day I tell you, when I stop learning just put a fork in me ok, tag me and bag me because that'll be the end. I'm learning all the time, some of it is good, like how to keep my brown sugar soft of make my produce last longer, thank you Heloise for all your kind advice; some knowlege is profound, like learning what my children need daily and making sure they get it, not food and shelter those are the givens, if a parent does NOT know these things they should NOT be a parent I think, but hugs, love, reassurance, guidance, laughter, not so much the things themselves but more how each of my kids requires it be delivered is the learning process for me, because this changes for them often, I have to keep up.

My dear husband teaches me daily, he accepts me always, loves me unconditionally, cares about how I am doing; given the tough times he's been having lately these things have not changed and I cannot thank him enough for always making me feel safe. He, like my father was also, is my rock. My saving grace on many occaisions, he tells me when I've screwed up and still loves me, we can help eachother without judgement.

My sisters, always a source of strength and encouragement, and HONESTY when I sorely need it. They have taught me so much over the years, what NOT to wear, when to hold my tongue, when NOT to, good wine, cooking secrets, how to laugh when I want to cry, loving from a distance, appreciation of the simple things, the importance of family, the myraid of ways to use a four letter word courtesy of Buddha Girl, to name just a few of the gems.

Some things I have not wanted to know lately have come courtesy of my dear mother. Those of you who have read Buddha Girl's bloggy know the history here. Well, I constantly get the brunt of my mother due to proximity mostly, but also because I allow myself to feel guilty and let her in so many times when I should just NOT do so. She has shown me levels of selfishness that I did not know existed, and she does so without even knowing she's passed on the lesson. I cannot believe for a moment that she means the things she says and does. She just doesn't know any better I think. That must be the case I often hope. She just cannot see what she does, she's too caught up in her day to day that she can't see it. How she has let herself get so duped by the Antichrist, I'll never know, he still behaves the way he used to, talks down to her, belittles her in front of her family. Is rude without regard to anyone, even children. I have to wash my hands of this, but how do you just wash your hands of your mother. I've seen her be an amazing example before, a strong confident woman whom I admired. I haven't seen that person in so long it's scary, her house even smells different, my children told me that yesterday, "Momma, this place doesn't smell like granma anymore, kinda stinky like there's something under the house" what the devil does that mean coming from a 7 year old? or my 6 year old, "no more like a hospital that was just cleaned" That is not my mother, how did that happen. She shows more compassion towards a neighbor with the flu than her sick grandchild, how did that happen?

I think she cares more now about what people "think" of her than about who she actually is. The appearances are more important than the substance now. This is very sad to me, my heart is no longer there, my heart is in my home, not my house, but My Home, my home is my husband, my children, my sisters, my true friends, though low in number, they are very much a part of my home, I thank you each for making me feel safe, letting me know I'm loved, showing me I'll always have a home. I have a lot to be grateful for and today that is what I will remember, that is my silver lining today.

they drag me back in again...just when I thought we were over the hump , it just gets crappy again...I've never really understood depression. I've been sad before, had tough times, but really depressed, I don't think so. I'm not good at this stuff, I'd like to be better, I listen , I hug, I love, am supportive...sometimes it's just not enough I guess. I wish I had the tools, I'm trying to get more help on this, but what's the saying, You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink, I'm trying to "bring the mountain to mohammed" so to speak even.

I'm sure there's a silver lining, I'll find it I'm sure, I'll keep at it, just a little tired.

On to something else, my oldest daughter, 7 going on 18 this April, well she's really coming into her own and has never been one to hold her tongue at home, she speaks her mind to us and I'm glad she does, however, this morning I could have used her practicing some restraint, she didn't want to help her dad do something, it was easy, but she didn't want to help, she was focused on her CD player so she ends up helping by force, and before he had a second to say thank you she jumps in and says, "you're welcome, asshole" nice right...I know she's heard this in lots of places, the schoolbus, TV ( I try but you can't censor everything) and at home in a hushed tone on more than one occaision (again, I try and I think I do a good job of watching what I say, but I'll admit this one has slipped out before) Now I don't think she fully grasped what she was saying nor did she understand the truly fragile nature of her dad right now, she felt very badly began to cry and was sorry, he was very upset, I'm sure I saw a few tears as he turned away, this was tough. She is in general a very good kid, I talked with her tried to convey how these words they hurt, they leave a mark you cannot see that is hard to erase that is why it is so important to mind your words, use them carefully, think before you speak and be honest with herself and others. I hope it was ok, this parenthood thing can be so hard. When I did ask her what made her say it, she said that a big kid said the same thing to someone on the bus the day before and everyone laughed. I told her to sit closer to the front, always good advice I think:)

I'm so fortunate that a good part of my profession involves reading, sometimes quite boring, but I still love to read so it is fun to get paid for it. It can transport you sometimes, to places in time, fantasy, memories of years past, I love it. Well I read another bloggy person today, whom I really have come to enjoy thanks to big sis showing me her link, she is also a mother of 3, and we have a great many of the same likes and dislikes from what I read...she had a post on bigotry and in it she talked briefly of why her mother raised her the right way, I absolutely loved every word of if. Whether judging by class, color, creed it's just wrong, and I hope I'm conveying that to my children, I think I am.

Well my daughter is in her first play today, I mean one where she has her own lines, she's been in a few, the "chorus", but this year she has 3 lines all her own, not bad for a 2nd grader who for the better part of her life has been very shy at school, not wanting to speak in public. She is a cancer survivor, and part of her disease and treatment resulted in a speech delay along with gross and fine motor delays...well she is just amazing and works very hard and this past year is really blooming in school, she's talking A LOT more getting involved, being herself at school not so guarded anymore, not nervous as much about others poking fun at her b/c she doesn't speak as clearly, just more confident all around. It's a play about Martin Luther King Jr., there are no "leads" no one plays him or his wife or parents, it's just voices that observe things and speak, they play clips of audio and video as well, kinda neat. Well she is VOICE 2 she announces his birth and tells why this is such a blessed event. Well my husband went to see the afternoon show today during school, they do one for the students and then all parents tonight, he said she was great! He brought her flowers to give at the curtain call, she was just so happy.

Things are improving on the homefront as well, my hubby who has not been well for sometime now is actually feeling on the mend some today, this is a blessing. I love this man with all of me, I truly do, even when he drives me crazy and makes me angry and leaves dirty clothes in the middle of the floor and half full glasses all over the house, I love him. I love who he was when we met and who he has become and the promise of what he'll be in the future. I cannot imagine my life without out him so I don't try to think of that. I'm so glad that he feels improvement today:)

On a sad note, my nephew baby buddha is not feeling well and I am sending hugs kisses and get well wishes to him!!! Love you baby B!

Well, it was a good weekend, a long tiring weekend, a bit hectic, some relaxing moments. My youngest, 3 month old girl was Christened on Sunday, we had a housefull and a little party and good food, wine, family and friends. Hubby is slowly on the mend, had a little ER trip on Friday late afternoon, but he is doing a great job, I'm very proud of him..he's been through the ringer lately and is trying to come out the other side in better shape, I know we'll get there just will take a little time and work. My children did great this weekend, I was very proud of all of them:)

To be fair I must say that I expected much worse and was so pleasantly surprised with the outcome of the weekend. I love time with my family and my nieces and nephews, it is so nice to be a part of their lives. It's always good to have my sisters around. How I relate to them now, how we get along, the relationships, it's hard for me to understand how we fought sometimes when we were kids, and we could fight with the best of them, but they are my best friends now in many ways. There was no AC with my mom so that was very nice, she was very much herself and did all the things with the kids that I've come to cherish. She talked with everyone, was very relaxed, real, fun. I liked it. Wish it will always be like that, all good things end though I guess and sure enough this weekend came to a close with all the relatives leaving, the last this morning back to N.Y. We have lots of leftovers, lots of pictures too, I'm looking forward to an uneventful week, PLEASE...no surprises, no illnesses, no unplanned stress PLEASE, I am longing for the quiet life, a peaceful, somewhat organized existance. I can handle the daily stuff, that's easy, I just would like a little ho-hum this week ya know. My expectations for this are low, but I'm hopeful.