Lipstick Cover-Up

We had our work "gala" yesterday, I use the term loosely as it consists of sandwiches from a local soda fountain and beers, eaten at MY DESK, the other blokes pull up a chair and we eat, drink, talk of merriness and exchange little gifts to one another.

This year the boss man was too busy so I got his money and purchased the gifts for the rest of us on his behalf, but we like what we got, just no surprise there.

I believe on the other gifts I've been the receiver of "RE-GIFTS"...it felt like a non-stop white elephant session for me, but I couldn't exchange with anyone else I had to keep my crap...only if it were a white elephant I could laugh about it, I had to instead pretend this was JUST GREAT!!

Seriously, I don't need a gift, it's ok, I'd rather we just give a high five say cheers and enjoy some time, we like one another we have fun, but the exercise of this has gotten so tiring. Thing is I work with only men, no girls here but me and there is one guy I just know his wife does NOT like me at all, evidenced by her gift selection. He said wife did the shopping, he hoped I liked it, didn't know what it was yet, the two of us just stared at the gift and one another and tried to just hurry up to the next order of business....he's a great guy, I love him to death, fun, a good friend even and I guess that's the problem. His frigid wench of a wife thinks that must mean I've got EYES for him....so I get the white elephants.

Finding the positive though as I generally attempt to do, I figure I've got some items for next year's Church White Elephant party, which last week was so much fun! SO I'm stocking up and will have gifts to share.

He'd probably be hurt if he read the above, but I hope not.

We will be sharing Christmas Eve with my husband's sister and her family (her hubby and son) at their home. Always fun, she makes a traditional polish meal, I always ask how to pronounce some it and don't eat much of it, not because it's not tasty, it's good, very good, but she can bake like nobody's business so I love me some of her desserts, gotta leave room for that stuff!

We will hang out at home Christmas morning, us and the kids, I'm looking forward to it, the present frenzy, the clean-up, the breakfast, the nap...then off to my mom's house, my sisters will be there with their families. I love having all 6 grandkids together, it's usually hilarious and entertaining.

Mother is cooking.

Not me, I'll be drinking, not too much, but just enough to get me through.

And I'm off on Friday YIPEE! for me.

Then we get into year-end stuff, and it'll be a race to the end of the year.

GRATITUDE FOR TODAY:

I'm going to start something new, and try and post something I'm grateful for each day...I'm going to TRY...

I'm grateful for my iTunes library at this exact moment...lame I know but it's true, I'll save the mushy truly meaningful stuff for another day, but today my library is keeping me going!

Lots of love to all of you out there in the ether, I hope your holiday, whichever one you celebrate, is inspiring, uplifting, and full of good friends and fun times!

and you just have to share about it!!!

Well...my kids are getting computers for Christmas, we wanted to get printers, but the cash flow and all, you get it, well I've been looking and I can get basic ones for $60 or so, nothing fancy, but they'll print, it's all about the cartridges anyhow right? Well yesterday, Cyber Monday, whatever, but I had these bonus bucks to spend at Staples online, AND the printers were on sale for a day for 50% off, so the 100 ones were 50 and I had 97 in bonus bucks and shipping was free, I PAID $3.13 FOR TWO NEW HP PRINTERS!!!!

Oh the joy of a good deal! And they had the wireless-N set-up thingy with adapters for the computers ON SALE and WHAT CAME IN YESTERDAY'S MAIL....MORE BONUS BUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can we say a happy momma! They might just get another real gift, you know a fun gift, not just something to their homework and papers, and webkins on:0!!

Fingers crossed.

On a totally different topic, I think I'm realizing if not for my children I would do nothing to celebrate this season but church stuff, and did I mention lately that the new church we've been going to so ROCKS!!!! If not for my kids, I probably wouldn't do the tree and the shopping and the obsessing about what gifts for whom, I'd just relax, read, maybe buy myself a new pair of shoes and a cool tube of lipstick, aw heck and a new bag too! And some socks for the hubby, he always needs socks.

Hope each of you are well and not crazy with the SHOPPING!

lots of love,
lil'sis

I love Thanksgiving...always have and will I imagine, it's not the food, or just the food I should say. I love the idea of thanks and giving, the sharing of it, the little rituals you establish over the years. I like that it's not about presents, it's a restful time for me honestly, the cooking part is fun, the football, the just hanging out.

That all being said, I'm not doing any of the above this year. We're not traveling to my mother's or either sisters homes. Not going to my husbands family either. NOT.

We're having it with friends at their home, sort of, their parents home actually now. It was to be at their house but do to a family thing on the other side the MIL and FIL can't travel now so we're going with them. To a farm and having Thanksgiving.

I'm a bit apprehensive about it all really. I don't know what she cooks, how she cooks, I don't know some of the family, but am very close with my friend and my kids are with her children. Our spouses get along great and love hanging out together and her MIL who's home it's at has proved many times over she's an amazing cook...so it's not about them, it's about me.

The starting of new traditions.

This is hard for me. I think so much of it stems from the fact that throughout most of my adult life, all of my childhood holidays, especially this one, were always and ONLY spent with my parents at their home. It wasn't discussed where we'd be, who'd do what it was always a known thing. You just knew Mom and Daddy were cooking, all of it, we'd help of course, but they'd insist. It always seemed fun, it was always special. And it was always this way because my Dad made it so and my Mom seemed on board.

She's not. My father died 4 years ago now, I can hardly believe it's that long, it seems like yesterday. My mother has been remarried now a couple of years, OMG I can hardly believe it's that long. And it will never ever ever be the same.

The "Holidays" well, she didn't like it. She never did I guess, I thought she did maybe she did at the time. She was as I recall, generally moody at the holidays, cranky, sometimes happy, but moody is a good word I think. I thought she had some fun but she doesn't remember that, and she doesn't do any of it anymore, and when she does, it's not the same. I mean she doesn't even cook the same, it all tastes different. It's all somehow less to me. I think she likes her life so much better now, she thinks she's happier now, so I'll try and choose to be grateful and thankful for that for her.

My oldest sister has taken the helm and she's an amazing cook, wonderful host, and generally a very wonderful person to be around, I think we all get a little melancholy at the holidays now but I get that and I look forward to a Thanksgiving with her but it won't be this year. We have commitments the day after and I'm working the day before and we have something with my kids on the Saturday after so no real "traveling" or overnighters this year. We'll be home, and just go for the day with friends.

My other sister, Wine Girl, she did Christmas a couple of years ago. I hope she or Buddha do it again. I won't, ever, do it again. Tried and failed and won't try again to have it at my home. Let me be clear EVER. I will do my Holidays with my kids, but the big family part will always involve travel. Christmas it a whole other post or TWO maybe.

So this year I'm thankful for many things, I'm choosing to list some below, but before I do, let me just say even on the days I moan and groan, I'm finding gratitude and that is overwhelmingly mood altering and life changing. I'm finding positive every day no matter how small and it's helping me not be sad, because to be very honest with myself, I've been very very sad for a long time now. I don't want to be.

MY LIST OF THANKS:
I'm thankful for...
- my kids, they are wonders and I love them so much, holding their hand on a walk, talking to them in whispers as I tuck them in, wiping tears and soothing cuts and bruises to their bodies and minds if need be, their giggles and hugs, the way they let me share their accomplishments and failures. Being a mother is the greatest gift I've ever been blessed with. I know it's not what everyone wants, and I thought years ago I didn't want it, but my life today would not be worth living in my eyes without their presence, that's just me.
- my friends, they are few in number but more powerful than the entire Verizon army!
- my sisters, (they are included in the one above too) they are my conscious, my backbone, my rock, they inspire me and give me hope.
- my husband, I'm grateful for the patience he shows me and he's taught me. I'm thankful we decided to keep working on this thing called marriage, that we didn't throw in the towel when others thought we should, dare I say we thought it at moments too, but we didn't and I'm thankful that we're willing to keep trying and trusting, loving and caring together.
- that I have a home, a job and means to pay for taking care of things.
- that my family has found a new church that we feel at home in, a place where discovering a relationship with God has so far been a very beautiful thing, without fear and guilt or condemnation.
- my mother, she teaches me lots of things, and many lessons I've felt I didn't want to learn, but in the end it will all be ok. She loves me and wants for my happiness and knowing that is a gift.
- my abilities, I'm so thankful that I can do so many things if I try, if I believe in myself which is generally the biggest challenge, I can do literally anything. I just have to make the choice.
- knowing how love feels, both to give and receive it.
- living in the country that I do, I'm so very blessed and lucky. I'm free to think, feel and choose so many things as a citizen and a woman. Too many places don't offer the same.

A very Happy Thanksgiving to each and every one of you.

I do love this new look, I don't think anyone reads this anymore, but that's ok, it's just for me right:)

Things Making me Happy: My kids, they just rock I tell you. Oldest just got her ears pierced, so cute...she's doing well, grades are good, coming along with all therapies, very proud of her.
Middle child, my son...never ceases to amaze me with his will to do more, to want to accomplish. He's applying to a private school locally, very good and very expensive, he only goes if he gets scholarship but he wants it so badly. This past weekend he went through the packet and read the big shiny glossy book and came to me and said, "did you read this? Did you!?", Yes I replied, "How freakin' cool is this place Mom, I've got to go!" Fingers crossed for you big guy, lets hope for some money to fund it while we're at it.
My baby, I know she'll be 3 at the end of the month, but she is MY BABY, and she'll make it a point to tell you all about it, "I little, I gonna grow but I still little, I a princess!" Indeed she is, God love her. She makes me happy they all do, but she's started saying things like "You make me so happy Mommy".."Mommy is home, I am so happy now!" Warms me up

Your result for The Classic Dames Test...

Katharine Hepburn

You scored 21% grit, 38% wit, 48% flair, and 5% class!

Take The Classic Dames Test at HelloQuizzy

but I haven't found the time to work on the new look bloggy...I'm actually hoping my sister BG will have a hand in helping with it's creative side. I'm not so much on the creative front.

Any ideas from the blogosphere?

I have tickets to a concert, Alannis Morrisette, 12 of them, in the front and center and there's this great pre-concert party, food, drink, entertainment, and it's all FREE, you read it right folks, FREE!!! I get to have a little party all for me and 11 of my friends, and I have 3 people who've taken me up on it and 2 are maybe's...the third just wants to have sex with me and I'm NOT in any way into him AT ALL...and I'm MARRIED and not into that CHEATING thing AT ALL....and I didn't invite him directly, he wasn't even supposed to know about it but a common friend got all blabby not remembering his come on's to me and now he's taken a ticket!!!!!

So if anyone is going to be in Virginia next month, let me know I'll send you all the details and you can come and meet the artist with me at the pre-party....I know you all aren't really coming, that's ok, but how pathetic that I have this and can't find enough FRIENDS to go with me....

Which leads to my final point, which I wasn't intending to talk about here but oh well....I don't really like maintaining friendships...I'm not good at the keeping up of it, the attention these relationships so often require I'm either incapable of or just not willing to give. I've been this way for so many years, since 8th grade in fact, so over 20 years....when my oldest sister was killed in a car wreck I just stopped wanting to be very close with people. I have friends, I have my sisters, they've always been my best friends, since we were kids, I'm closer to them than anyone. I have my husband. My kids. But friends, just a few and that's ok with me, I'm alright with that. I'm friendly, many can attest to that, very friendly, but i don't like making deep meaningful connections much. I call it "superficial friends" we talk about stuff, but if we don't see eachother or chat often, that's ok, no pressure to hang out or stay connected. That sounds terrible.

I discovered this recently with my shrinky, I just blurted it out a few weeks ago when she was asking me about my "friends" and just kept asking shit..." I don't like maintaining friendships!" It was a revelation for me honestly at that time, and since then I've thought a lot about it. I've let a lot of people down due to this characteristic. I'd say I'll try and do better, but I don't know if I will. Believe me I don't think I'm all that, or that folks are lining up to be my buddy, I know they are not...but I've gotten close to people before only to pull away due to no fault of theirs...and I do feel badly about that. They invest the time and I try and then I stop.

Regardless, it's good to know. And for what it's worth, if there are any fellow "superficial friendly" folks out there who want to come to a free night of fun at the concert let me know:)

Lastly, does anyone know how to set up a "donate" button? I'd like to set one up for Sam at Rainbows and Unicorns, (her link is to the right on this blog)...I'd like her to get those J.Crew jeans she fancies for back to school without having to cut into her and her sister's living money.

I was thinking a gift card for her, but I can't just plunk down $100 bucks of my own all at once, I've got 3 kids people and I'm the only working parent, HELLO!!

So a donate button for Sam was what I was thinking, I don't know if she wants it, but I know she wants the jeans:)

Lots of love,
lil'sis

floating around in my head.

Lots.

What to say here,

- kids are back to school, the Frenzy ensues
- we got a puppy, she's so darn cute, a peekapoo, yes a "designer mutt" as I lovingly call her, her name is BooBoo...when she walked into the house she peed, my youngest (2 1/2) says, "Momma, puppy BOOBOO on da rug" Boo Boo just stuck, wasn't what we thought to name her but it stuck. and yes she's had many a booboo on the floors since, but nothing we can't handle and she's actually doing pretty good at training.
- my baby, Beanzie we call her, not so much on her potty training though, a work in progress.
- I'm going to move my blog, rename it, redesign it (I hope) and feel like I can be more honest on it going forward, not sure when the stars will align for it to happen, but fingers crossed sooner than later.
- Snickollet is in the dating pool, her blogging on it is so funny
- Sam at rainbows and unicorns needs some hard hugs, she's a good bean that one, with a lot on her plate, send her some good thoughts if you get a chance.
- I'm running a road race this weekend and I'm not ready, SO NOT READY, at least that is the message the quadracepts in my legs are sending my brain each and every second since my longish run this past weekend, ugh.
- My sisters are funny
- Haggis makes me want to puke, just the thought of it, why oh why DEAR GOD is there still HAGGIS and folks who want to try cooking it...IN A FREAKING CROCKPOT! Say it will stop soon, I'm calling OSHA there must be regulations about ordering a "pluck" and all the other innards that accompany it in the inedible package!
- My friend has a new job and she gets to travel a lot, semi-annual trips to SCOTLAND AND COSTA RICA are a few of the perks, but lots of other shorter trips. She is not married with kids "yet" but there is a sizable piece of me that is filled with envy, i know it's a sin right.
- My mother shopped for my kids, not just the girls which is usually how it goes, but for my SON AS WELL. I felt very spoiled and the kids were happy to have grandma for a short time thinking of just them:)

- late bills, late nights doing laundry, early days at work....nothing too exciting but I'm finding my silver linings where i can, like last night I got home LATE with my oldest, Loud Girl and my son Green Bean from his football practice, dinner was ready for us thank you husband and Beanzie was washed and ready for bed....she crawled up into my lap as we ate like coneheads at the table and put her head on my shoulder, smelling all freshly washed and yummy and says "i lub you so much momma - you wan to seep wif me tonight?" She's a keeper thanks Beanz for making my day all worth it!

Lots of love,
lil'sis

I read a post today, indeed I've been keeping on on all the blogs I always read, but I haven't blogged in oh so very long...well this post I read over at OTR Girl's site, http://sojournering.blogspot.com/, (sorry I don't know how to do the linky thing correctly) directed you to several blogs that she likes to read. I was captured by one in particular, http://samsrainbowsandunicorns.blogspot.com/.... go check it out if you get a moment. Sam is quite a young woman, doing all she can to persevere in much less than ideal circumstances. She writes with a wisdom beyond her years gained from the time she's had to be the head of the house and parent to her younger sisters. Many of her posts as well show that she is a teenager, with teenager worries, the balancing act she is performing is inspirational, beautiful, scary and overwhelming all at once.

Kudos to you Sam and thanks for making me want to blog again.

Lots of Love,
Lil'sis