Lipstick Cover-Up

This was the question posed to me last night from my mother who is getting married to the anti-christ in 10 short days. " I have so much planning to do, things to get done, I have to get the count to the catering place for chicken and crab cakes!!!!" I heard more "I"'s last night then I have since the LAST time I spoke with her. Oh boy, she lives in a very small world, she's the only one in it and when others venture their way in to her pseudo reality chamber it is SCARY!!!!

My kids have officially began to rebel, they do NOT want to attend the affair and are not going to be quiet about it. Green bean said he wasn't going, hopes we have fun, Loud Girl asked for a bribe to attend, and when the baby sees pics of her grandmother she looks away or cries.

Oh, and can I help alleviate the tension that we have in the family somehow? That came up in our conversation, now I get to officially run interference for mommy dearest b/c she's just so OVERWHELMED! She's retired, has no financial stress, nothing to worry about but herself and decorating her new McMansion, which is not all that lovely I might add. I have 3 kids, husband, home, and job. I'll take what I got thank you very much. I'M HAPPY DAMN IT! She is NOT.

That's enough for today.

One very nice item, hubby and I are finally getting organized, a little at at time, I think all that HGTV is helping after all. That or my meltdown on Saturday about not being able to find any space that's peaceful hit home, I don't care why or how, I just hope it lasts, he says he's on board with the VISION we discussed. He also said he's quitting smoking, I haven't seen evidence of it yet, but the fact that he's stating it out loud of his own volition is an event in and of itself! Smiles for me and lots of love to all of you in Bloggy land.

since my last bloggy, where has the time gone...so busy. Relay was a HUGE success lots of fun, they did an article in last Sunday's paper on Emily which was really nice 2 pretty good pics of her and I at Relay, one of her teachers laminated it for her and gave it to her, other teachers hung copies of it in their classrooms, she was SHINING!!!

Things are good, I'm happy, kids happy, baby is growing like a weed and hubby feels pretty good! Waiting now for the clouds to open up and bestow some bad news on me but I'll try and stay positive, really I will, it just seems like when things start going well, something crappy happens, and I don't want that to become a self-fulfilling prophecy so I'll stop talking it up right now!

On a very sweet note, a family that we see at Relay, friends of my big sister's they are originally from the Bronx, and parents now live in the South, well they spent a lot of time holding the baby at Relay, and the mom says to me, "Sweetie, I don't see little white babies too often, but this one is just beautiful, she's so pink, she's like a big ball of cotton candy, that's what I'll call her, my little Cotton Candy!" Well, we've been calling her that all week, I'm wondering if the nickname may scar her as she grows older, but she is so cute and pink, it fits!

On another note, we know someone, who apparantly is a little freaky in the bedroom from what he said, well he likes to videotape him and his lovely lady, what the hell for I do not know, and just like you hear about, the TAPE got OUT, accidentally to a friend, boy this is bad stuff, but what did they think would happen??? Awful, and at the same time I did laugh, so mean I know, but who would think it!!! Do they not watch E!?? Thing of it is, the lady in question does not know it "got out" and doesn't know that people have seen her in lets just say not her best presentation I'm told. WHY people WHY!!!

I have no way to transition after that one so I'll just move on.

Dear mother asked me to read a bible verse at her wedding, I asked if it was from Revelations and she just looked at me with a none to happy grin.

I better imbibe some of the wine before hand, who know what'll happen at this fiasco.

Till next time, lots of love to all of you in bloggy land and remember, keep your personal videos in a safe place!

-lil'sis

Well , Relay for Life is this weekend, some of you may know from experience or from reading Buddha Girl, but I'm a big supporter of this American Cancer Society annual event. My oldest child and my husband are cancer survivors, my dad lost his battle with cancer and I have too many friends to mention who've been touched by it.

We walk, we raise money, we laugh, raise money, cry, raise money, eat, raise money...you get the pattern here right. Well so far, my very small team of 5 members has just over $27, 000 dollars raised this season and I'm damn proud of it.

Emily was diagnosed at 22 months, she endured 2 and a half years of treatment and will be 4 years cancer free this December. Yes you can say I'm happy. There are days when I feel she's my cross to bear, but most days she's just my doll, my miracle, one of the few loves of my life.

Relay is always fun, tiring and fun and very rewarding. This year I'm working on Advocacy and will be attending the Celebration on the Hill in September in Washington DC as a Celebration Ambassador from my state. I'll get to lobby with politicians, and hob nob, and more importantly maybe get their ear for a few precious minutes to implore them to keep on funding cancer research, therapies, diagnostic, preventative treatments and ask them to continue to address the disparities that exist in quality and availability of care as well as lack of health coverage for far too many folks. My advocacy function this weekend will be to recruit Celebration supporters and ACS CAN volunteers to help with these efforts year round. We'll also be getting signatures on the WALL OF HOPE banner. Every Relay around the country is having a banner signed by participants, then in September we'll hang these banners on the Mall in DC and create the WALL OF HOPE, we'll present our elected officials with these signatures on the banner and on our petitions to show them the support we have throughout the country for these efforts. We are not party affiliated. We do not endorse candidates or come out against them. We endorse and rally around our goals, we push them. The 2015 goal of reducing cancer related deaths and occurances by 50% is a real and attainable goal. If by 2015, a mother very much like myself 6 years ago is sitting in a hospital room being told her child has cancer and to cure it they'll give her some pills and that's it, and she'll be back to herself in no time with little to no side effects, if they can tell her that the insurance she pays so much for will actually cover this and she won't go broke, it they can tell her that her child won't suffer from pain for the next 2 years from needles and ports installed in her little body and bone marrow tests and all the other fun stuff that goes along with it, IF that can happen, my time and efforts are not lost. My job will have been done. Even if we're just a little closer to that being a reality, I will have succeeded.

So I Relay, I talk, I ask for money, I walk for 24 hours one day a year, I light candles to remember the friends we've lost, and to celebrate the ones that lived. That's why I Relay.

Now go away from here and find your space to make a difference. Find your cause and purpose and do it.

Lots of love,
lil'sis

I couldn't resist I had to do this one to, I like my theme song, I hope you like yours!

Your Theme Song is Beautiful Day by U2

"Sky falls, you feel likeIt's a beautiful dayDon't let it get away" You see the beauty in life, especially in ordinary everyday moments.And if you're feeling down, even that seems a little beautiful too.

That's how I feel right now, in the big picture I know it'll all work out just fine, but in my little picture I'm troubled and random right now.

Mother: My mother as many of you know from Buddha Girl's bloggy, is a crazy woman right now, marrying a crazy man and wanting everyone to love it...well I don't love any of it and this past weekend, while celebrating my oldest child, Emily all of 8 years now, Holy First Communion, my mother struck again. Just her need to control it all, to make others feel crappy, it sucks....my other sister, Kathy, was here and on Friday night, while up drinking wine and laughing and talking till very late, or early I should say I guess, Kathy starts reminicing about my mother's craziness and how it really was like this all along, it's just that our dad covered for her and now that he's gone, there's no one to cover for her, "Whatever do you mean?" I unwisely asked, well she unloaded all these anecdotes, moments in time from our childhood that I apparently am just to weakminded to remember and so my self has blocked them out, when my mother and her craziness were starkly apparent...her throwing food at us, IN PUBLIC PLACES, then storming out and LEAVING all 4 of us kids alone in shopping centers; her constant yelling and screaming, her temper that flared on more than one Christmas morning at her UNGRATEFUL, and LIFE SUCKING children...how she ignored her own abusive father and allowed him near her children...oh it goes on and on and ON...I was in shock, and as she told me these things, I began to remember flashes, things, memories, things I would prefer not remember...it was a painful walk down memory lane and one that gives me pause and makes me examine myself as a person as a mother even, see my shortcomings, and be hopeful that I'm not like her. My mother, and I remembered this, always kept a packed suitcase under her bed, for as long as I can remember as a child, so she could leave in a second if she saw fit, she'd threaten us with this a lot, we were her reasons for leaving, we were the trappings for her. There was never enough money, she had to work, she had these kids, my dad lost his business in a bad deal, it was all a slight to her. We were a slight to her at the time, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not enough to fill this void of hers I guess.

I'm sad about it. I'm hurt. I wish I could talk about it with my dad. He never wanted us to go see her father, he was not welcome and could not go for fear of a battle, he'd prefer we never go but my mother would take us, only a couple of times a year, but enough to do damage.

I'm sad about the pain my sisters have, the scars you can't see that effect them deeply. The slights, the being marginalized and ignored. Feelings of being abandoned even though the body is still there.

With all of this I must say we've come through it well. We are successful, both personally and professionally. We are all loving mothers, doting I'd say. My children are always with me, my mother says too much, but they are, I don't leave them places, I stay at parties, I stay at events, I go with them where they go. I don't leave them with my mother that's for sure. I'll leave them with my sisters. My sisters are with their children too. They are present in their marriages as am I. We have partnerships with our spouses. We deal with the good and the bad, we don't feel, I know I don't and I don't think they do, feel like we're missing out on a better life. We don't feel like we've had to give up the good life for what we have, I think we're happy, bills and all, we're happy families. Boring and happy. Except for our dear mum, none of us are happy there.

I've tried to tell myself that she was a good woman, I know I witnessed good things. I felt her love and admiration. I thought it left when she started dating this man, but I think I'm wrong. Those times were more likely the rarity not the rule. I think I chose to remember the good stuff and not the bad. But this has tainted my view of her now, more so than it was already. I'm not feeling real lovey dovey if ya know what I mean. I'm mad at her I have a chip the size of TEXAS, (no offense there t.cole) on my shoulder for her right now. When I talk to her I can hear it in my voice, this venom. I have to let it go and move on, I'm trying. Thank you Lord for my husband, my children and my sisters. For my very few but very close friends, thank you thank you thank you.

I loved this when I saw it, to all of you women out there and to you men who know one, I hope you enjoy the following....

One flaw in women
Carol C. Harder

Recently a good friend of mine shared the following composition. With Mother’s Day looming on the horizon, I feel it is very timely to share these wise words in hopes that each of us will take a closer look at our feminine companions in life. Its title is simple, but says it all —


One Flaw In Women

“By the time the Lord made woman, He was into His sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said, ‘Why are you spending so much time on this one?’
The Lord answered, ‘Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts — all replaceable — and be able to run on Diet Coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart — and do everything with only two hands.’
The angel was astounded at the requirements. ‘Only two hands!??! No Way! And that’s just on the standard model? That’s too much work for one day even for you, Lord. Wait until tomorrow to finish.’
‘But I won’t,’ the Lord protested. ‘I am so close to finishing this creation that she is unusually close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18-hour days.’
The angel moved closer and touched the woman. ‘But you have made her so soft, Lord.’
‘She is soft,’ the Lord agreed, ‘but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish.’
‘Will she be able to think?’ asked the angel.
The Lord replied, ‘Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate.’
The angel then noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman’s cheek. ‘Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one.’
‘That’s not a leak,’ the Lord corrected, ‘that’s a tear!’
‘What’s the tear for?’ the angel asked.
The Lord said, ‘The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride.’
The angel was impressed. ‘You are a genious, Lord. You thought of everything! Woman is truly amazing.’
‘Yes,’ the Lord replied, ‘women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
‘They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They don’t take no for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
‘They go without so their family can have. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
‘They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
‘They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.
‘Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
“‘They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
‘Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They’ll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
‘The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends.
‘Women have vital things to say and everything to give.
‘However, if there is one flaw in women, it is that they sometimes forget their worth.’”

I've spoken of my girls a good bit, and mentioned my son but just not as much, well today is his...he was in a play last night, and he was a horse! He was the BEST horse I've seen in some time on a stage. He spoke eloquently, rolled in mud with what seemed like little effort and was gorgeous. My son is very bright, I don't just say this the STATE does as well, not that I put a lot of stock in the standardized testing, but I'm quite proud of him and his abilities. God gave him a brain and he likes to use it. He also hit his first home run in baseball last Friday night, UNDER THE LIGHTS, (sure they are small and there's only a couple of them on the little field, but he DID IT ALL BY HIMSELF. I was home with sick baby, and when he came in he said, while running and yelling and smiling all at once, "MOMMA I DID IT, RIGHT OVER THE FENCES, THEY HAD TO RUN TO WHERE THE TRUCKS WERE PARKED TO GET MY BALL!" He's a good bean, I love him dearly. He loves to be tickled, he loves to read, he loves his video games. He's a good friend to others.

He also can pluck my last nerve and knows just how to get his way. He has these big blue eyes that will melt you and if they don't there is something wrong with you I bet.

I worry that I'm too hard on him sometimes, then sometimes I think that I'm too easy. It's not easy being a kid anymore I think, and I think it's harder being a boy at his age. It's hard to fit this little person who is so full of energy and excitement into the mold of compliant school child that listens and is observant of all the "rules". He's a good bean though, he's gotten in his share of trouble since he started Kindergarten this year, and I know the teacher's number when it's on the caller ID, but he's not a bad kid. So sensitive too. Since the birth of my youngest, (5 months old now!) I know that the other 2 don't get as much of me as they used to but I must say that my son has really adapted, he knows when he needs some extra time, and we fit it all in. He's a great big brother and whenever he walks in to the room the baby just starts to giggle, it's wonderful to see their bond grow. He always tells her, "I'll protect you when you get bigger, I'll be the best big brother!" I'm sure he'll be thinking years down the road that his little sister is a bit of a burden at times, but I have no doubt that he'll love her just the same.

Wish me luck on bringing up this young man, I think we'll both need a little luck! Thanks for letting me spout off about him too, I hope all parents have these proud moments, makes the tougher times all worth it, even makes you forget the tough times when you're looking on stage at your little horse rolling in the mud and waving out at you.

Four jobs I have had in my life: (that I actually got paid for)
1. Lifeguard and Swim Instructor
2. Escort Service (in college, we drove drunk people home, not the OTHER kind of escort service!)
3. Residence Life Director at a University
4. Financial Consultant

>Four movies I would watch over and over :
1. The Breakfast Club
2. Working Girl
3. Breakfast at Tiffany's
4. Mary Poppins

Four place s I have lived :
1. Warwick, NY
2. Springfield, OH
3. Blacksburg, VA
4. Charlottesville, VA

Four TV shows I love to watch :
1. American Idol, the kids adore it and I get sucked in too!
2. House
3. The Sopranos
4. CSI

Four cancelled TV Shows I miss:
1. Homicide
2. Seinfeld
3. Judging Amy
4. Sex and The City

Four TV shows you'd have to hold me at gunpoint to make me watch:

1. Wife Swap
2. SuperNanny (and all the ones like it!)
3. Nascar racing
4. Wrestling

Four places I have been on vacation:
1. KingsMill, VA (a wonderful full service resort, Highly Recommend!)
2. Nags Head, NC
3. Ocracoke, NC
4. Key West, FL

Four websites I visit almost daily:
1. MSNBC.com
2. Buddha Girls World
3. Maine, Delaware, and Northern Texas Bankruptcy Court websites
4. Cadbury and Its Never Dull blogs

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Crab and Lobster
2. All kinds of fresh berries
3. Godiva Chocolate
4. Coffee

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. On vacation with my family, all of them!
2. Having breakfast with my Daddy
3. Holding Isabel
4. Spa

Four Friends that have been tagged that I think will
respond:
1. Buddha Girl
2. Kathy sent it, so I can't count her, but she WOULD
3. Missy won't but I think I'd like to read hers *smile*
4. Cannot think of a fourth, so sad I know!