Lipstick Cover-Up

Not much time today....

Billy Joel was amazing, a wonderful concert, if he's in your neck of the woods anytime soon I'd recommend you go, one of the best shows I've seen and I've seen a lot over the years, but truly a great time with my sisters and mom.

I have the flu now, yeah, this is so much fun, hopefully the Tamiflu I've been on for a week will really help shorten it, but I feel like crap. My boss is a doll though, I'm leaving early today for my husband's doc appt. and he said to just go home and rest...thank you so very much. The prospect of getting a little nap before the kids get home from school is just a gift.

Not much change with the husband. Saturday was our 11th wedding anniversary. I can tell you that traditionally bad things happen on our anniversary, it's not been a lucky day for us since we wed, but we still try and celebrate it in little ways. Though the day started out rough, it ended ok, I think if we were both feeling better it could have been a charmed day to be sure. He bought me flowers and cards and made me some homemade lobster bisque, lots of lobster, but in my flu state I just could barely taste a thing. An A for effort though.

We decided yesterday to both start counselling. I think we'll do our own thing and we can go with eachother if it suits, but alone to start. We did marriage counselling once before and it was helpful, but I think the issues we're having right now, we each need to look at before we come together in counselling on it. There's no lack of love to be sure, but the stress of life, differences with the children and how to parent, are at the forefront. I need more patience on many fronts and I need to be more upfront with what I need and expect. At least that's what I think today:)

I'll let you know how the Dr. appointment goes for him, seeing a cardiologist, my hopes aren't high for a resolution, but I guess it's a start.

Looking foward to March Madness coming UP!!

Lots of love,
lil'sis

That's right, the FLU, the damned flu. Gabe and Izzy have the flu, Emily is holding on to just a cold, but hasn't had what they have thankfully. I've got a touch of the cough and aches, but no fever like the kids. Then there is my husband.....Geesh, I'M DONE.

Hubby is not moving fluid out of his body, gained 30 pounds of fluid in 12 days now, he's a sight to behold let me tell ya. The doctors in their infinite wisdom don't know what the issue is yet. Doing bloodwork for heart and kidney and endocrine possibilities, tests, tests and more tests. In the meantime he's in pain, his arms and legs keep going numb, he's so bloated, short of breath, feels like CRAP on a stick at best. Did I mention that he's home caring for the kids with the flu while I'm at work too. The poor thing, I'm looking for a nanny or sitter to come in but the kids have the FLU and no one wants to be around kids with the FLU DAMMIT.

It could just be meds, changes in meds, combo of things, who the heck knows. I do know that it is so eerily similar to my father's rapid decline in health. The fluid retention, etc. I don't think it's like my Dad at all, but it's just similar in presentation and that just spooks me to no end.

It was 3 years ago this past Sunday the 18th that my Dad died. I miss him so much, words just don't convey or do the feeling justice. I know many of you have been to this place in your own lives, so you know what I'm saying. It just is yucky.

I want to talk to him, I want advice from him, I want to know that I'm strong enough for all of this stuff, being a wife, mother, friend, caregiver, provider. He always gave me confidence, a quality I find myself lacking too often these days. I need to channel that memory and feel capable I guess. Knowing what you need and finding it are two different things though...keep moving forward that's just what I plan on doing, keep moving forward. Say it with me now, KEEP MOVING FORWARD.

On another note, the Relay for Life event that I'm co-chairing this year is doing a wonderful job, the volunteers never cease to amaze me with their spirit and willingness to just keep asking for donations, keep having bake sales, fundraising events, etc. It's a wonderful event to be a part of truly. I know I've said this before, but here goes again, if you've never been to a Relay before, just go to one would ya! You don't have to be on a team, or raise money to attend. Just call your local American Cancer Society, find out when the Relay will be in your area and when, ask for the schedule of events. Go the Opening Ceremony or the Survivor Lap, YOU HAVE TO GO to the Luminary Ceremony. It's a wonderful community based event. It's fun, all the Relays I've been to have tons of activities, games, events, bands, etc. throughout the day. Our event has a Children's Walk portion which is great. You may catch the Relay bug and want to participate in a future event, or you may just want to attend as a spectator and check it out, either way, it's a wonderful experience.

I'm going to see Billy Joel in concert this weekend with my sisters, I know I've mentioned this before too, but I'm real excited about it. Fingers are crossed that my husband will be doing better and able to take care of all the kids for the night, that or I'll see if I can find a sitter or possibly if they are well farm them out on play dates or sleepovers with friends. Not thinking that'll happen, but I can always hope!

"There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something better tomorrow."-- Orison Marden

Hope you all in bloggy land are well!

Lots of love,
Lil'sis

That was one of the line's in "The Devil Wears Prada" movie that I thought was funny. I liked the book more of course, a quick and funny read, perfect for a bad weather day when I was preganant a long while ago, hubby took the kids out for the day, and me being pukey, stayed in and read this book. It was funny, and I love to read about fashion, though I don't make a statement myself.

Well, today I'm a bit queasy, a touch of the bug that's going through my house and by extension the children's elementary school as well. Just made me think of that line.

I lost this past week, 1.4lbs, so maybe I'm through my plateau, Snickollet gave me some good advice about upping the water and herbal tea too, so I'm trying that this week to see if it helps keep me on track with this. Dear mother didn't have too much to share, I didn't stay for the meeting b/c I wanted to work out and if I didn't go then, wouldn't have been able to that day. It was a good work out too, so I was happy about that. Hubby joined me and we did free weights together after I ran, the kids had fun in the KidZone at the gym, a good evening all around, we had a late supper at Panera Bread, love that place I tell ya, yum.

I was able to attend a charity event dinner on Saturday, my firm sponsored a table, I got to go and my sister, Buddha Girl and our friend Lorna came up for it. It was a lot of fun.

It was for the Make a Wish Foundation, brought back memories for my husband and I. Remembering some of the kids we met during Emily's chemo, kids that took their wish. At the dinner, one of the nurses from the unit spoke, she said that there was this one little boy years ago who just refused to take his wish, they asked several times, asked his parents, to no avail, he didn't want any part of it. When she finally had the opportunity to ask him why, he told her this, "those wishes are for terminal kids, if you take the wish it means you're going to die, and I'm not going to die"...the nurse that spoke said the reason she was so happy about the event is that over the last couple of years, they've made enough funds by fundraising efforts that that fact is no longer true, lots of kids get wishes now, not just terminal children. Extending that has made a lot of difference to the children they serve she said. This made me happy too.

It was a wonderful night, but bittersweet too. Remembering the days of worry, the months of worry about my daughter is hard on my husband and I. It was such a difficult time in retrospect, when we were in it, it was just another day, it was what we did, "small potatos" we'd call it. When I think of it now though, I don't know what made the difference for us, we just stuck together and got through it. It's event's like this past weekend that help me keep my perspective on things.

On a more perky note, it's dreary and freezing rain here today, I think I'll be ducking out of work a bit early to miss the freaks in traffic during the normal commute hours. Maybe sneak in a gym visit if I can too!

By the way, I love my job, have I mentioned that lately, I really really do.

We're hoping to put our house on the market in the next month or so, hubby is diligently working through the "to do list" though not as rapidly as I would have hoped. I like our neighborhood, mostly. I like the children's school, for now. But I won't next year, when they move up to the next grade and closer to middle school *shudder at that thought*, so we're looking at homes closer to my work, and in a better school district, geesh it is scary out there! Wish us luck!

Hope all you bloggy friends are well:)

Lots of love,
lil'sis

Well, I guess I've been too cold to blog lately, more like over committed, again, which is ok. But I'm tired and cold, my toes and nose are cold, and I'm inside....I know stop whining, I'm done.

I'm having a tough time with my Weight Watchers right now, I'm sort of stuck. Plateau? I don't know, I don't think so, I think I'm just mentally stuck.

A few weeks back I was on such a roll, I'd been losing 2 pounds a week on average for several weeks, it was great. I changed nothing really and it just stopped, I'm guessing I need to change things up some more, but mentally I'm having a rough time doing it. See when I was doing so well, my dear mother made some mean comments to me, because she wasn't doing so well I guess. Stuff like, "you can't be eating if you're losing weight like that", instead of maybe, "good job Kirsten, you're doing a lot of hard work and running a lot, congratulations." No, as usual it's all about her, and the thing that really got me is that I don't really even tell her b/c she's always gotten mad, if she doesn't lose, she's just so wrapped up in her drama she doesn't hear other people, "look at my food tracker, do you see a problem...." and on and on and on, people don't want to sit by her b/c she's always ranting on and on and on...you get the picture. But when she does well and loses, let me tell you she gets in your face. So a few weeks ago, I went from losing 2.3 and gained 0.4 in a week, she was weighing in next to me and lost a pound, when she heard that I had gained, she walked up to me and said, and I quote, "ha ha, ha ha ha, I lost and you didn't, HA" With a great big smile and giggle, like it's funny. Now, mind you I never and would never do that to her, there have been plenty of weeks where the reverse is true, but instead of making light of that, I'll say something like, "Well, mom you did swim more, and you said you're feeling really good, next week will be better, just have to stay on track" I don't say, "Mom you really should count all the 'tasting' of little bites of things that you do, eating a bunch of hor de'vours adds up, you need to track that" I don't say, "Ha ha, that's so funny that you gained this week, and I DIDN'T" No, I'm not like that, so how is she my mother?

I love her, don't get me wrong on that one, but I do tire of her self centeredness, how absorbed in her own life she is that seeing beyond that is challenging for her. You honestly cannot get through a conversation with her without her ignoring what you say and talking about herself. A few months ago I was talking with a friend who said this about my mother, and I was skeptical that it happens ALL the time. Since then I've made a concerted effort to really listen to our conversations and see how she responds to my questions about things, and sure enough my friend was correct. Sometimes she doesn't even acknowledge your question, she just talks about herself, or she'll give a quick retort and then steer you back to herself. It truly is amazing I tell you. She's done this so long I don't think she has any idea she does it. It's just who she is.

So if anyone out there has any diet tips for staying on track or WW tips for staying in the game mentally so to speak pass them on, give a girl a little help on this one:) If anyone has advice on how to love your mom but not feel like you need her and need to please her all the time, pass that along as well, but be gentle, when it comes to her I have a tough time, I just can't be mean to her.

Hope all you bloggy friends are well. I love reading each of you, about your families, your kids, your lovers, your daily stuff, parenting, working, all of it. I talk about some of you in conversation as if I know you, "oh, I have this friend who lives in .....and she/he ....when my husband asks me who I'm talking about and I say, "oh one of the bloggers I read" he just smiles at me. So thanks for reading, but more importantly thanks for writing, I'm learning a lot about myself and the world I live in, how I'd like it to be, how I want to contribute to making it a better place by reading you all.

Take Care,
Kirsten