Lipstick Cover-Up

Today was her play, her first REAL play, she was Cindy-Lou Who in how the Grinch Stole Christmas, she was wonderful, fabulous. I was so proud of her. This once shy little girl, who has worked so hard to overcome a variety of obstacles was on the stage and she delivered her lines like a champ, a pro, I can see a future in theatre! She asked afterwards, "So did I break a leg or what?"

The play was followed by a sing-a-long, and did I mention the entire school was there to watch it, 1st through 5th graders all clapping for this little group of 3rd graders, just one of the classes of 3rd graders. They were amazing. I was backstage before they started, and they were all saying, "I'm so nervous", and "did you see all the people out there!" and "my mom AND dad are here and they're sitting NEXT to each other" only to be one upped by the little boy who said, "yeah, well my MOM and STEP MOM are sitting next to eachother and smiling!" (his dad is currently traveling in Mexico he added).

My mother and her husband arrived late, blaming traffic (of course) traffic on the route I drive each and every day which I know wouldn't and didn't make them late, they are just notoriously late especially when it comes to stuff with the kids b/c he doesn't like kids.

Gabe and Emily both had parties back in their classrooms afterwards, we went to both, my mother stopped in at both and her husband waited in the lobby, "his knees hurt, it's too noisy in these rooms, lots of germs" those were the reasons she gave the kids as to why her husband didn't come by to say, "good job in the play" or "nice classroom, is this your desk, great artwork on the wall" nope none of that. It was ok by me, and the kids seemed ok with it.

Emily woke up at 2 am today with a fever and sore throat, I gave tylenol and put her back to bed, she didn't feel good when she got up, but said better, I wasn't going to send her to school, but she pleaded with me, begged, her first "solo in a play momma, I have to go, I don't have a person who knows my part!" We left after the play, carols and party, she's been to the doctor and has strep. Poor baby. I'm feeling terrible that I let her go to school at all, but she was beaming on the stage, the show must go on right!

Today was their last day of classes, they began winter break at 1pm and go back after the new year begins. They were so cute leaving school and saying to their friends and teachers, "see you next year!"

When we got to the car Emily looks at me, bursts into tears and says, "I can tell you now, I feel TERRIBLE, My throat really really hurts!" Gosh I felt so bad.

She's on her antibiotic and home taking a nap now as I type, I get a bad mommy badge for the day.

We'll travel to one of my sister's homes on Christmas morning and stay over and visit. I'm looking foward to it, at least the time with my sisters and their kids that is. I love my mother, but it'll be stressful and tense with her and her husband and all of us there. I'm preparing for the worst, but hoping for the best. Knocking on wood, crossing my fingers and throwing salt over my shoulder to try and work up some good mojo for the upcoming Christmas festivities.

Again, I'd like to wish you and your families a wonderful Christmas, Hannukah (I know it's almost over), Kwanza, and New Years.

As a resolution, I propose we all try to be kind to someone that we have a hard time being kind to, for whatever reason and work doubly hard at being kind to ourselves. We deserve it don't you think?

since I've posted, a few weeks I think. Not that anyone's checking but me, but things have just gotten away from me on the blogging front. I've been reading everyone I usually do, keeping up with that is fun I fit it in to the few minutes I find between work lately. Year-end is just hectic for me at work, and at home you can just forget about me blogging, with Christmas activities and regular activities all still going on, I'm completely scheduled. I thought things were wild and crazy when Emmy and Gabe were both babies, but now with them both "involved" with so many things and Isabel and hubby, and volunteer stuff I've committed too, well, let's just say that I'm getting a babysitter this week to finish my Christmas shopping. Most of it this year was done online thankfully. I do like to shop though, especially this time of year, people have generally been happy and patient, at least where I'm shopping, so it's been fun, even when I have all the kids with me and no husband and it's between horseback riding, Holiday kids party, religion class at church for the kids and grocery shopping, hey, it's still fun!

I'm chairing our local Relay for Life this coming year. I've done Relay for 8 years or so now, and I've been on the Planning committee for several years, but this year I'm chairing it with another person. I knew it would be a lot, I just didn't know how much. So far, I'm making it work, but I just hope I can keep it up. Relay for Life, if you don't know, is a 24 hour event, a fundraising event for the American Cancer Society. We plan for 7 months and camp out overnight a Saturday to Sunday for 24 hours, we have activities, lots of them, raffles, we walk around the track, we raise money in more ways than I thought possible. We do a great job. Each year my region has increased our fund total. It is rewarding, inspiring, it gives me HOPE. I've seen the good that comes out of this money, my family has been a beneficiary of the research that was supported by these funds. If you've never been to a Luminary Ceremony, you need to check one out. I would encourage anyone interested to contact their local ACS office, find a Relay and just stop by, you don't have to be on a team or register or help plan it. Just stop by, go the Opening Ceremonies, go see the luminaria, it will be moving, bring tissues. I can't say enough about this event, what it's done for me, my family, my community. Just one of the many things I'm thankful for this time of year.

A few things I'm working on for my new year's resolutions, run the 10 mile road race in town here, I've never done that long of a race before. Continue on my weight loss journey, I've lost 25 pounds and feel fantastic, I'd like to double that total and be the same weight I was when I graduated high school. Probably in better shape too! I want to get the kids more involved with volunteering in our community. I'd like to forgive my mother for so many things and really let go of the negative feelings with my relationship with her. I'd like to see my sister's more than I do and their children. I'd like to save more, floss regularly, and be kinder to myself on a daily basis. Not getting any of these done will not constitute failure, but trying will equal success, I won't berate myself mentally about it, (I hope).

Hope all of you out there in bloggy land have wonderful Holidays, a Merry Christmas and safe and happy New Year's, Oh, that's one other thing, I hope to stay awake to see the ball drop and get a kiss from my husband:)

Lots of love,
Lil'sis

Yesterday was Little Bean's birthday, my Isabel. She is precious, full of joy, happy and healthy. Our life has changed so much in the past year, husband retired, had our third child, family has changed, work has changed, but my children have GROWN. Holy cow how they've grown.

My oldest, Emily, now in 3rd grade has just come out of her shell. My shy girl, who still has her moments of shyness, is now a little lady. She tried out for a play *shocker* and got the part of Cindy-lou Who in "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and she'll add when you ask her is a "reader in the play" as well as her part. I'm so proud of her, she's come a long way baby! She loves her horseback riding, now she volunteers to clean the stables and do barn chores just so she can be there more.

My middle child, my son, Gabriel, he turned 7 in October. He's such a charmer, a joker, my funnyman, he has such peace about him, a very good soul he is. And usually too smart for me to handle. I'm so proud of him. He just got asked to apply to this gifted program at the University where we live, wowie zowie, he said, "Hey momma, I got this application today, we need to fill it out and bring it back to my teacher." I looked, it was very cool the program looks really interesting he had choice about what direction to take with it. He said, "so why did I get this?" I told him what the paperwork said, "selected" "interested in your child", yada yada, and he smiled and said, "Ha, so they think I'm smart, they're wrong, I'm a GENIUS" he says then erupts into laughter and walked back to play, he takes nothing too seriously as you can tell.

Then there is my little Beaner, Isabel, we call her Beanzie, or Beaner, I don't know why, we just do, that or Izzy. Her hair stands up on top unless I flatten it, she's taken to having it put into a little ponytail right on the top of her head, she's the female version of Alfalfa. All three of them look like the Gerber baby, honestly, they do, the cheeks, the big eyes, the curls of hair at the ears, but I think Izzy has the most. She has the brightest bluest eyes, we all tell her she's got some great eyeballs, she just bats her lashes and yells "GAHHHHH". Her brother and sister adore her and she them. She is the apple of daddy's eye and has him wrapped around her finger and she KNOWS it. Yes , I know you're saying, she's only 1, but you parents out there and you "Daddy's Little Girls" out there know what I'm talking about. She slays her daddy with a grin. Melts him with a giggle and breaks his heart when she's sick. She's mommy's little blessing, because, I'll say it, we didn't plan on more kids. We were too scared for more kids, and today I cannot say enough that I am so grateful for the fact that things didn't go according to plan.

When I found out I was pregnant, I was surprised, very excited, happy, and mostly scared out of my mind. My first two children as I've written here before, were both very sick. They had long term illnesses and conditions, the likes of which we deal with to this day, albeit not in crisis mode thankfully any longer. I would joke and say if I had a third it would have horns and a tail. In all honesty, I was just so frightened of having another sick baby, of it not going well, of that fear gripping us all over again. I was so scared. I told my husband and he said, "I'll call you back I have to go throw up" don't take that badly, it was just his fear, he called back and was in tears he was so happy but so very scared.

Isabel has been nothing we thought and everything we needed. For our family, our marriage, life in general. We feel complete with her, safe, secure, so very in love with eachother and our children. This healthy bundle of love, this pink vision of joy when she wakes and smiles and giggles.

I cannot thank God enough for this blessing. She has made me such a better person, and I feel also a better mother, I hope I have the stamina for this long journey with my kids. The way time flies I think I'll make it, I mean she's already a year old and if feels like it's gone so quickly. Time is speeding up on me and I want to treasure each second, and then life happens and things just go faster and faster. I pray that I'm doing the right things, making good choices for them. I'm still scared, each and every day, but I'm begining to think we all are in our own ways, it's the love that helps it along. Without that I'd be paralyzed.

So Little Bean, Mommy loves you so very much. Happy Birthday to you and many more! I'm looking forward to each little celebration along the way. Thank you so much for being you and for coming in and completing this family.

- that the women who work as church receptionists are some of the biggest bitches I've ever met?

- that people smoke in their cars with the windows rolled up and kids in carseats behind them?

- that the woman I saw doing the above on ELECTION day here in VIRGINIA also had a license plate (not bumpersticker) that read "1mn1wmn" = "one man one woman" and a "choose life, don't be a murderer" bumpersticker...(we had a ballot amendment the so called "marriage amendment" to change the state constitution to define marriage as one man and one woman)

- that there are so many bigots, even some people I thought I knew pretty well?

- that people in Africa will stand in line to vote for 28 hours straight just to have the chance, but here in VA a woman gets on the radio to rant that she just doesn't have the time to wait in a 45 minute line, you know she has errands to do and all?

-that the woman from the above doesn't realize that women were beaten for wanting to vote in our country less than 100 years ago, and they fought and took it until they got that right for themselves and for her?!?!

- that guns and drugs are cheaper than most of my hospital co-pays?

Ok, I'm done, I just heard Allen is conceding to Webb...I'll be ok, off the soapbox

Hope you all have fun trick or treating if you do that sort of thing. Both of my girls are Cheerleaders, my son is a bionicle, it's a lego robot warrior thingy...yeah I know, I tried football player, but it was a no go, he loves the bionicle outfit, I think the baby is going to cry when she sees him!

I'm going to try and not eat all the candy, but I'm sure I'll have a piece, ok maybe 2!

What i love is that my kids like to give the candy out more than go and get it, we go to maybe 5 or 6 homes in our subdivision, and we go early so they can get home and and give it out and see other kids outfits. We also have a tradition, every halloween hubby makes chili, we eat it together, with cheese and sour cream on top and we watch whatever movie is on the Disney channel and then go into sugar shock and pass out. We toss the candy in a day or two b/c it does lose it's luster.

Tonight we'll have spooky music playing outside and cobwebs and a black light on the front porch, if you're in Virginia, Stop by, we'll have plenty of chili!

and some are hard. Today is ok. But lately I just have this feeling that I can't shake, the feeling that I just don't measure up to what I should. The "should" is on me...I set the "should's", but there just seems to be so many lately, I feel like I'm failing, well maybe not a total F, but I'm like a "high C" student right now in this game of life. I want to be an "A", I've been an A before, I just know it.

It's bugging me, I want to feel some kind of affirmation that I'm doing right by my children, my family. Somedays lately I feel consumed with worry. Stale, stagnant, unhappy even, with me though, not them or anyone else. This sounds so horrible when I type it, I'm not feeling horrible, just so uninspired I guess. I hate always seeing the negative, I want to enjoy the moment more, moments that just seem to go whizzing by. Giggling baby, happy kids, great effort, fun dinners, reading books together...going by so fast and I'm always worrying about the Next thing, or what has to be done, or crap with my mother, instead of living in the NOW with my family. I want my kids to know that I am focused on them, not always looking at tomorrow's list of "to-do's", but with them in the moment.

It just flies by, days, weeks, years, they just go faster each year, milestones just shoot by my line of vision before I can take a snapshot.

I fear regret, I don't want to regret things I missed because I was so busy planning, cleaning, trying to organize, decluttering. Where's the line on these things, stuff has to get done, but when I ask myself? When do I fit it all in and still have something left of me to give my kids not to mention a little slice of peace for me in a given day. I hate that compromise that is motherhood, marriage, life in general for women today. I want it all, and to not be exhausted getting it...that's not too much to ask now is it?

I think I've blogged on this before. Such poor planning on my part not to find the post and link it....crap.

Today is my son's birthday, he's 7 years old. I love him oh so very much and want him to know it!

We had his party on Saturday, so much fun, of course the first 3 children to arrive at the place hadn't RSVP'd but this place was so great, they just added the necessary items and it went off without a hitch. He chose to have Japanese food for dinner, he wanted a friend of his to come so we did it on Saturday so he could. The hibachi was fun, we've done this a lot with our kids but the little boy that came with us hadn't, WHAT FUN we had. The chef did some extra fun stuff for the kids too. We enjoyed some sushi as well, which I'm so happy the kids like.

7 years ago today at about 7:30 in the morning, they took little Green Bean from my tummy, this was a planned c-section after my first difficult delivery with my oldest daughter. He was 3 weeks early, 9 lbs. 13 oz, and 21 and half inches long. He had dark hair, which he'd soon lose that would come in blond...beautiful blue eyes and long fingers and toes. He squeaked like a bird, a pteradactyl to be exact, and he was such a noisy eater with this loud strider noise. He had a "floppy" esphogus, high bilirubin, and didn't hold his temperature well. It was several weeks before we found his heart problem but the docs were great and fixed him and his heart well. Then he started to eat normally, didn't turn blue anymore and the strider squeak was gone, we then had such a happy little boy.

He made us laugh with his crooked grin and dimples and still does today. He's the class clown, very bright, loves his baseball and football, and having fun. His cousin is his best friend, he can be a mamma's boy, and momma love's it!

GB, you bring us such joy and happiness. I know each day I see you and your sister's faces how very blessed I am...even when you shove stuff under the bed and misbehave and don't listen very well sometimes...I never forget how blessed we are to have you.

Happy Birthday little man!

Love,
Momma

On Sunday we finally did what we said we were going to do several weekends ago, moved around the furniture in the kids room, taking the bunkbeds apart. We've had the plan for sometime, but life and incessant birthday parties for schoolmates has come in the way of my plans....so this weekend was it.

A little back round on this. We have 3 bedrooms upstairs, 2 downstairs in our home. When we bought our house we did it b/c we liked the neighborhood and the school district for elementary schools, plus it was just barely in the county where we HAD to live b/c of husband's former job as a cop. Not so much b/c we loved the house, it was ok, not the home of my dreams, but had more room, good yard, lovely trees, etc. Well when we moved there we had 2 kids, thought we were only ever going to have 2 kids. Last November as you all know we had our little bundle of joy, Little Bean. Prior to her arrival we tried to groom Loud Girl to move downstairs. We set up a wonderful room for her, decorated, all that jazz. She's slept in it fewer times than I can count on my fingers, and that has been when she's had her cousin over for a sleepover, less than one hand by herself. She's not the soundest of sleepers, she wakes easily, things scare her, you know the drill, the wind is a ghost, the creak in the floor is the boogy man and any noise outside is "AN INTRUDER!!"

Seeing how this wasn't working, we purchased bunkbeds and Green Bean and Loud Girl moved in together, I know a boy and girl sharing a room, but worse things could happen, they're still quite young (6 & 7 at the time of the move), plus they always ended up in the same room anyhow it seemed.

They love love loved their bunkbeds for about 2 whole weeks, a real long time in kid-time. But they've wearied of them...I often hear, "they're so hard to jump on, they're darker than a regular bed, Loud Girl hates the top bunk now (even though she FOUGHT to have it, so in the middle of the night, without fail, she gets up climbs down and sleeps at the opposite end of her brothers bed on the bottom, causing much ado since they are both sidewinders when they sleep)"

We've offered to move one or both downstairs but it's a no-go option so far, I should be happy about it I know, in a few short years they're going to be fighting about moving down there and getting far away from me and dad.

Fast forward to Sunday. I measure, and measure, I get the configuration in my head that I want I measure again, it'll work, surely it will. Hubby comes and helps me take the bunks apart...and low and behold, THEY DON'T FIT THE WAY I MEASURED. He says that I didn't measure the POSTS fully, or the window sill, or the facts that I need to open and close the closet doors and possibly the drawers to the dressers on occaision. I leave the room, stunned at my subpar measurement performance and he configures it. Not the way I wanted, but it works, and he sure as shit isn't going to be picking that top bunk up again.

I'm left to organize, expunge junk, clean under the beds, re-vacuum, clean the hamster cage, hang the curtains, make the beds, you know the EASY stuff that doesn't take much time. I added in cleaning the closet and going through the dressers to start the change of season switch of clothes too. Then I re-decorated all the walls, to give them each their own little space, designed just for them. It went pretty well, until I got to cleaning under the formerly bottom bunk. I saw a few shoes and a stray sock, then when I reached under to make sure that was it, I was met with a wall of JUNK, shit shoved so far and so compacted under the bed I was shocked, I grabbed one of the toys of my sons, this nerf crossbow thing, looks like the Lord of Rings ones, it was sitting right there too. I have to wedge my body under the bed and reach and drag all this stuff out. Shoes that I thought were long gone, clothes, papers, art projects gone awry, books, books and more books, one book that I had already paid the library for b/c it was so LOST. Hairbands, cletes, roller blades, toys, toys and more toys. The list goes on and one, by the time I'm done I have this enormous pile in the middle of the room that used to be clean and tidy, AAGGHH!

I call the kids in, I say, "Look at this pile of stuff, shoes I thought we'd lost, books I've paid for, clothes, papers, toys, all of it...it was UNDER the bed, not just a little under, shoved under compacted under. You both need to be more mindful of your belongings and not leave things around to get lost under the bed." You see up until then I still believed this was just the kids being messy, things fall, get forgotten. Loud Girl is looking at the pile like she's found buried treasure, so happy about some of the finds she was! Green Bean, not so much.

He looks at me with those big blue eyes and says, "Momma, leave Loud Girl out of it, it's my fault, all my fault." Huh, what did he say? I must have had the quizzical "what are you talking about face" on that my children have come to recognize well so he continues....." You know every time you tell me to clean up my room and pickup, well I just shove it under there." Ok, I'm thinking ok, then he adds this gem " I take my crossbow over there and I shove it until it won't go any further so that I'll have room for next time too. I'm sorry, it's just whenever you want me to clean up I want to play so it's quicker, I'm sorry" He has tears now, knows he's busted.

I look at him and his sister, she's feeling for him right now, she's hoping I don't yell or get mad, I can tell that look too. I say, "Well Green Bean, at least your honest about it. You gonna do it again?" "No," he says, "NEVER AGAIN, I PROMISE" Ok, I let them go after they help clean it up.

We played UNO together after baths, read a bunch of books, played on their "new" beds and snuggled, I fell asleep with them. It was a great day.

This past weekend, Saturday, was the picnic that we hosted for our neighborhood. I had this idea in August that wouldn't that be so nice, there were a lot of new families in the neighborhood that have moved in over the last 2 years and I really didn't know many of them. Lots of them have kids and many of the kids don't know eachother. So I planned this 1st annual picnic. I called it that hoping that it would go well and we'd do it again.

We had one of those big moon bounce things for the kids to play in and they had our playset as well, we had local fire/rescue/police come by to show off their cars and trucks and meet the neighborhood. We had a craft table for the kids, face painting, these rocket balloon things that were such a hit, I should've bought 4 packages instead of one! Lots of food and drink to go around as well. All that attended were asked to bring a side or a dessert, and their own beer or wine if they wanted it. We provided the entree selection and non-alcoholic beverages. It was in my backyard.

It went REALLY well. We had a great turnout, I met many new people and was able to reconnect with others in a different way. I appreciated the excitement people had, the fun they brought. I think they all enjoyed it. It was from 4p-7p, the last of the stragglers left around midnight, it was a lot of fun. One couple that has lived in the neighborhood for about 15 years used to have a big neighborhood halloween party each year and they haven't for about 8 or 9 years now, all the families started having kids, people moved, lost connections except to wave hello. The parties just stopped. They talked about having their party again this year and I think they will now. There is another family up the street, a lovely family, I relate to them well, they are from NY area, not to far from where my husband and I grew up. They share a lot of background as us and we have kids the same age. She is so funny! I never knew! They are having a Christmas party now, KIDFREE! Lots of fun with other adults! They've called about the date already and I'm really looking foward to it.

I was nervous about doing the party once I started planning it, but it all turned out wonderfully. It was such a fun day and night. I had more than a couple of SeaBreezes, my one neighbor made a pitcher for her and I to share, and they were so good! It's like drinking juice all night! Then you realize there some liquor in there?!? We had a good time though, no one got ugly or stupid, kids had a blast. Then again, that could just be my interpretation!

I remember growing up my parents having parties like this all the time. We could walk all around our neighborhood without fear or worry, we were safe. I was 5 riding my bike outside without a care in the world and everyone looked out for everyone else. I miss those days and though I know this one party doesn't change all that, I do hope it makes our neighborhood a little safer and friendlier, more welcoming.

B...that's what I call my husband, his name doesn't start with a B, but I'm forever saying, "Hey, B, can you take the trash out?" or some other request.

Well, today is his birthday. He's 38 today, whew! He's about 4 and half years older than me, he robbed the cradle, we met when I was a junior in high school. I like to say I was mature, but I think the truth is he was immature and maybe I was a litte mature for my age. The jury will remain out on that one. We met through a friend, they were dating at the time and we all became good friends. He was always around hanging out, playing cards, going on hikes, goofing off. He played in a basketball league with some folks I knew too.

When they broke up, we discovered that we really liked eachother, making my parents none to happy to be sure, my mother and I didn't speak for nearly 6 months, really. She wrote me this horrible letter, 10 pages long, with a litany of reasons I was too good for him, it was the wrong timing, she didn't like him, "when I hear his laugh I want to strangle him and tell him to SHUT UP" so very mean. She loves him now, I guess. I wasn't a failure because I had a high school sweetheart. I went to college, I'm successful, I'm happy most of the time. I love him dearly. I'm grateful for him even on the days where I'm pissed off at him, which some weeks seems like every other day...but we try and keep at it.

Happy Birthday my dear B! Thank you for being you, for loving me and your children unconditionally, for your grace under pressure, the sanity checks that you give me, the kind reminders that love can really conquer most things. You hold me when I need it, you leave me be and give me silence when I need it. In the face of many adversities over the years you've stood by me, by our family, our children. You didn't fall apart when I needed to and you were there to help pick me up.

I know I never knew your mother, you never did either with her dying when you were 2. But I thank her for having you. I know we argue, we disagree, somedays I scratch my head and wonder what the hell you're thinking, but when it all comes down there you are right beside me. Always loving me and our children.

We love you! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

So today I'm out running an errand and there is this rasta man walking the mall, he looks angry and he is clapping FURIOUSLY...I've been hearing this for a couple of hours now while I'm on my second floor office working, this clapping, it gets really loud then slowly dies down, like someone is walking by and clapping. I thought maybe there was some kind of event going on and I just didn't have a chance to peer out the window to look. So I'm walking and I hear the clapping I look up and here is angry rasta man, clapping, the man can clap folks, LOUD, and he starts going really fast. When I see him I know what it is.

This is the same man who a month or so ago, walked up and down the mall ALL DAY LONG yelling, "OOOHHHH, OOOHHHH, OOOHHH!" He'd stare ya down yelling it, look to the sky, just kept on doing it, and carried a bible in his hands. That is all. Well, maybe he got complaints or the cops said something to him so now he's changed tactics and he's clapping. I was walking and on my cell phone making a call, when he saw that phone I swear he got really pissed and clapped right at me staring as if to say, "hey lady, I'm clapping her shut your yap!"

If you read my post from a few weeks back about the "go johnny go" whisper street man, you'll understand, but at the moment he was clapping really loud at me I thought to myself, "go johnny go johnny go go go"

I wish street people didn't freak me out so badly, not homeless people necessarily, but street people, they conduct their lives out there, like the shoeless tarot card man that sits down the block, as you walk by he'll holler out to you that you have a knight on horse with moon rising in your second house, like I know what that means...please don't scare me if I have a knight in my house on a horse I hope he's got a saddle bag full of cash with him!

Then there's the teenager, she's got tatoos galore, pink hair on tuesdays and a sign that says, "trying to get out of town, spare some cash?" Hey, I'm looking for a vacation too dear, let me know when you get yours. I feel for her, but she sits there, just joking with her buddies, smoking her cigarettes, from the view just goofing off. I wonder about her life, how she got here, where her mother is.

I always ask those questions, where's there family, friends, mother/sister/father/kids? What have thet gone through to come to this, and then the clapping man, what is making him clap, why is he so mad, I'm too scared to ask him, but I'm certain he's trying to convey something to me/us with his demonstration.

Go Johnny Go!

I read a lot of other people's posts yesterday and I didn't post one of my own. I was just very sad. I was grateful and proud of the people that worked and fought so hard to save others 5 years ago, for the bravery that they and all those who perished showed in the face of terror.

It was a very cool overcast dreary day here in Virginia yesterday, and 5 years ago it was a gorgeous morning. One of the men I worked with had just retired from the military after over 20 years, he worked for JAG. He always had the TV on in his office, silent, but on, watching the ticker line...he hollers out, "Kirsten turn on the TV something horrible is happening in New York I think the US is being attacked" I turn it on, I see the first tower smoking the people running and looking terrified. I pick up the phone and can't reach my husband or my dad, I call my best friend in NYC, he works at the building next door to Tower 1, I get him on the first ring. He's on the ferry looking at the towers, he's late to work and can't believe what he's seeing, then he says, "Oh my Lord, Kirsten there's another plane coming" It hits the other Tower. The ferry stopped after the first plane hit, it started going back to the Jersey side when the second plane hit.

That night my friend had over 40 people, he knew 8 of them, sleeping on the floor and sofas in his one bedroom apartment that was on the marina looking accross at the city. People got on ferries and just came over to the Jersey side with nowhere to stay or sleep. One of his coworkers called and said can I come over, i can't stay here. One turned into 3 into 8, and when he went to meet them at the ferry station, there were friends of his friends just standing around. Nowhere to go, can't reach anyone on cell phones. They all came and stayed at his place. They didn't sleep really he said, just looked out or stayed on the balcony and watched the skyline, watched the smoke, the TV.

I then got on the phone with my father. He was so deeply saddened, enraged, I can't even describe it well but I think you know what I'm saying here. Where we grew up in NY it was a suburb of NYC, lots of cops and firefighters. He talked to friends back home. The next 2 months would bring a long line of funerals of people he was acquainted with, his friend back home kept him posted. I've seen my dad go through a lot. Loss, pain, injury, heartache. But nothing that effected him like 9/11. He was forever different in several ways after that. He made moments count a lot after that. He became much more introspective and more critical of government than I'd ever seen him. He was a patriot, he had served in the Army. He loved his country and its people. He checked in with all of us that day, several times. He told me it would be ok. Every 9/11 since his death I am mixed with so many feelings, about the day, the people who lost their lives, their families, their homes and way of life. And I think about him and I miss him.

I'm grateful for my life, my family, what I am blessed with. I just couldn't write about yesterday, well yesterday. It is just so raw on that day for me. I guess it probably always will be.

Not on anything of great import, I mean literally weighing in....I started Weight Watchers I guess about 7 weeks ago now, or so, and I've done very well.

Those 3rd baby pounds just weren't going anywhere on their own so I figured I should get back into shape. Before I had my first child, I was in pretty good shape, same size as when I started college, a few pounds had moved around, but nothing major. I ran or walked and in college I taught aerobics classes. I loved it, especially the yelling and prancing about with a bunch of friends, felt like my old cheerleading days, and before anyone comments on that let me just say IT IS A SPORT DAMMIT, at least the way we did it.

I launguished a bit, ok a lot, after my first 2 kids, Loud Girl was 9 months old when I found out we were pregnant with Green Bean, and then after he arrived, 8 weeks later we found out about his heart issue, then 2 months later found out about Loud Girl's cancer, and 3 years later thought things were all on the mend. And I must say they have gone pretty good since then. Aside from the illness and death of my father who was an amazing man, I mean just look at me and my sisters, he was amazing right! Then my husband's long illness/issues along the way. You see, I just didn't pay much attention to myself anymore, and I was ok with it, no resentment there, it's just what had to be done, the place in life where I was. It's all good.

So then to last year, I decided I'm getting back in shape, I join WW, start up a regular work out routine, I lose 13 pounds very quickly (8 weeks or so) then low and behold find out that we are once again PREGNANT...wow, this really was not on the radar, we were so happy, very excited, more nervous than I can possibly covey in words, and very grateful to be blessed this way again. So no WW, they won't even let you in the meeting, insurance liability and stuff like that.

So we have Izzy last November and life keeps on moving. Shortly after school lets out for the kids this past spring, I'm visiting my sister, I see some pictures and i think, "HOLY CRAP, i LOOK LIKE A HEFFER!" So I do things on my own at first, working up the courage to go back to WW, I walk a lot more, I'm eating better, feeling better, and then I started back.

So that brings me to today, Thursdays are weigh in days for me. Now, I love this group of ladies at the meeting I go to, I never thought I'd like the meeting thing, but I really do, it's like a mini modified ladies night for me, with a few men thrown in the mix. These women are great, supportive, inspiring and beautiful people. I'd hang out with them anywhere. Just a lot of fun.

But, I had a great week last week, lost 3 pounds, wowie for me, so naturally I'm nervous about how I'll do today.

Just so you know, I don't look at this as a diet, it's a change of lifestyle for me, this is a road I'm choosing to be on, with many stops along the way, small goals if you will. I want to be around for many many years, I want to see my children grow up, I'd like to see my grand kids grow up if my children choose to have kids. I want my years to be full and happy, and not ill. I want to take care of this body I was blessed with. Which save for the regular imperfections a person finds in themselves, is pretty good at keeping me going. No major problems.

So I go to weigh in day always a little nervous and excited. I still have some of my pre kid clothes, and college items too, pretty soon they'll all be back in style I figure, I tried a couple on this past weekend, I'm getting close to having them actually look good!

I did it! I'm so happy I finished, in under an hour, 55 minutes to be exact so just under a 14 minute mile, and I'm sure for some of you that's REALLY slow, but I was so happy with my results. I ran almost all of it, we walked fast for about a half a mile, on the 2 small uphills...I'm new to this and my training was slim so it had to be done, I only sprinted the last 60 yards or so, so it was a good jog the rest of the way...BUT my first road race is now under by belt AND next year I hope for my time to improve, I'm getting a jogging stroller next week from a friend, so can start to train at home with the baby since she usually does my 2 mile walks with me each day.

Thanks for all the kind thoughts...maybe in a month I'll really consider myself a "runner" I hope.

I could walk after, but let me tell you that on Sunday I wasn't sure I ever wanted to WALK again, my hip flexor muscle I think, the one that connects my hip to the knee, on the front of the thigh, they were very angry with their owner and when I walked down stairs I must have looked like some kind of freak, between my staggering, grimacing and yelping you'd of thought I was escaped from the loony bin and off my meds..."Sissy, where's my meds, AAGGGHHH" My dad used to tease us at the bus stop and come out of the house walking funny and yelling that so all the other kids could hear it and we'd feign embarassment, and be laughing so hard inside...well that's what I looked like folks. I'm better now and am happy that those were the only muscle groups to rebel all my swimming and walking must be doing something right!

Lots of love to you all and may you each enjoy the same satifaction I felt when I crossed that finish line sometime very soon!

-Lil'sis

I think this is how it's going to be, I'm "running" in a local event tomorrow, it's a fund raiser for the Women's breast cancer research center...I'm excited, I've done Relay for Life for ACS for years, but this is just for a local center and I've never "run" 4 miles straight before that didn't involve some breaks and a treadmill...so outside in the elements.

Wish me luck!

Oh, this is a good one, one of those stories that Buddha would say to me, "that is such a bloggable story"...so here goes.

I live in a small city, there is a portion of very wealthy folks here, as in all small cities, their kids go to the very expensive private school, that most of us regular folks can't afford, but I'm ok with that. Well, there is this woman, she owns a business on the walking mall of the downtown area where I work. She doesn't have to work, this is her hobby, she has a salon, it's glamorous didn't you know, her ex whatever, or father of her child I should say, is wealthy. I think the kid is maybe in 2nd or 3rd grade, looks about the same age as my Loud Girl. The woman has one of those little trophy dogs, the kind people have taken to dressing up and spending more money on than my mortgage on a monthly basis, you know the kind I mean.

Well the other day I'm walking to the little store to get some water, and the kid comes out the door of her mom's shoppe (that's how they spell it, oh and you have to get buzzed in, you can't just walk into it) with one of the peeps that works for her mother. The woman is in her 40's older than the mother of this rotten little girl, and certainly deserving of respect from this child. Well the little rat on 4 legs is with them this is the conversation that followed:

Woman: (with leash in hand) "you are walking the dog, you wanted to bring her with us"

Nasty kid: "no, you're walking the dog"

W: "No, you wanted to bring her, here's the leash"

NK: "Fine, but you're picking up the poop"

W: "No, you wanted to bring YOUR dog, you're picking it up"

NK: "No I am not, YOU WORK FOR MY MOTHER"

with that the girl hands over the leash and starts skipping up the walkway, much to the chagrin of the employed woman and to the delight of little rat on 4 legs.

Ok, folks, let's teach the kids some manners shall we. The NK scampered off too fast for me, but as I passed the woman and the dog, we did share a look, a look that said, "I'm sorry you have to deal with that little bitch, you deserve better and if she were mine, I'd smack her butt for how she just treated you." She smiled and sighed and we walked on.

I read something that Hippi said today, "there are 2 kinds of people out there, the kind you like to see coming and the kind you like to see going" I, like her, hope I'll be one you like to see coming, and if I begin to be one of the other kind, do let me know. I fear without some intervention the NK above will continue to the be the kind I like to see going.

Lots of love to you all in bloggy land.

-Lil'sis

Hope everyone had a nice weekend, we did sort of, uneventful, not busy, so that was good.

Loud Girl had a tough weekend, just not feeling great I guess, she was angry a lot, cranky.

So I've written about this couple we know, we are friends I'd say, we see them occasionally, talk, etc., I like the wife, we're friends, her husband is odd, and likes to bring up sex A LOT, thankfully not when the kids are around, but nonetheless, it is just odd sometimes. Well, they stopped over with their daughter and the kids were playing, they ended up staying for dinner, nothing fancy, but it was nice. The next day she calls and said that he left his wallet on my counter by accident, and they were going to stop by to get it, sure enough there it was, I had put the newspaper on top of it when I was setting the dinner table, no big deal. They arrive, say hellos, etc., the kids start playing OF COURSE, and they need to go to their grocery shopping, their child does not want to go shopping. Now I know what it's like having to do this with my 3, difficult at best, so I say, why not just have her stay here and play, you can pick her up when you're done...time passes, and passes, the kids are having fun, the phone rings, "Hey, little sis, can kid stay for a little while longer, husband said to ask you b/c he needs some 'attention'" HUH? Well I say, the kids are playing, I'm making lunch soon, you go ahead and unpack your groceries, and get done what you need to, and we'll see ya later. Just odd right? I thought so, I didn't need to know really, they could've just done whatever and not said a word and I'd not known any different. Funny I guess, but weird.

Loud Girl has a male teacher for the first time ever this year. She loves the man thus far, and I've heard great things about him to be sure. Friday I get home and she says to me, "Momma, did you know that Mr. E plays in a BAND, guitar! They PAY him to do that!" He also has long hair and decided to build his own home many years ago, so lived in a teepee on his land for 5 years while he got it done, I don't know about water or anything, but I bet he's got some really good stories, now she wants to go see him play, so I'll let you know how he is. We meet him for the first time this Wednesday, I'm looking forward to it.

Green Bean is loving 1st grade so far, he's had some trouble with one kid, thankfully not in his class. Apparantly most of the kids are having trouble with this one kid though. He's got a very bad mouth, just lots of foul language and likes to pick on kids, call them names, you know the bully type. So Greenie is telling me about how he made fun of his shoes, called them "girl shoes" and "faggot shoes",,,so what's a faggot mom? We talked, I think it went well, he knows that we don't say that, he knows why, he knows that it expresses anger and hatred for someone who may be different than you. When we finish he says to me that it makes him sad that little LJ is so angry, that he must not be happy, that maybe his mommy and daddy aren't very nice. I'm proud of my kid. He said he'll just keep on being nice, but that when he sees this LJ being a bully he must tell him to stop it because it's not nice, he said he wouldn't hit him or call him bad names but that he wouldn't just "let him be mean" either.

I know of someone with the nickname Bootie, it's funny because I had to say today "Bootie called, to you want to take it?" and "When Bootie calls, put it through", me and the guy I work with found dumb humor in this.

Hope all is well with each of you!

I started the day with the dull ache, and so it remains, gained a little steam but I think the drugs are keeping it at bay, that and the caffeine.

So...the MRI had something of notice, we take Loud Girl to see the neurosurgeon in a week and a half, that's the first available, the big guns don't actually have office hours on a regular basis..but it is a well know doctor in the field, again I'm just so happy to be living this close to a great hospital.

Kids are enjoying back to school, next week will start homework and the fun will be less, no more of the "getting to know you" stuff and down to the real work.

I've been arguing with my husband and I hate that, it sucks, sometimes the work of marriage can be tough, we got lots of love, that's not the issue, but we work it out, when things are going on with the kids it's just to easy to forget to give the marriage some attention for both of us. So we refocus and put in some effort, and stop the nit pick arguing. At least we always can smile at one another, I don't forget even when I'm mad how deeply I love this man.

My boss just got invited to be in the production booth of a major TV network during a huge football game (not locally of course) think really big, and I think it's GREAT! very neat. In college I got to be on the sidelines during a couple of games that were aired live on ESPN, that was very cool, but never in the production booth, that would be neat, to see it all getting made so to speak. And the game that it's for, wow, is all I can say. If you're a football fan, college especially, you'd be like WOW too!

Green Bean got signed up today to play flag football this season, he's excited, no tackle yet, I wasn't ready, he was, I wasn't. I know I shouldn't do that maybe, but he's still a little guy, he'll have plenty of time to put on the pads and knock himself around, I'll hold off another year and let him get a better grasp of the rules, etc., before I let him loose on the tackle field, he can wait and I must give my psyche one more year before I watch my child be willingly tackled, maybe he'll change his mind by then and stick with just baseball, but we'll wait and see.

Have I mentioned before how much I love my job, yeah, I know I have, but I do!

Lastly, to all your road ragers out there....I know I shouldn't put make-up on when I'm behind the wheel, but I do it when I'm at a stop only, at the VERY LONG lights that I must sit at on my way to work. When the light turns green my stuff goes away and I DRIVE, I FOCUS. When I stop, if it's a wait, I'll finish my makeup. Don't honk and yell at me while I'm at a stop WAITING in line for the light to change only to move up 100 feet and stop again and wait for another light cycle before I actually get through it. I know my stop lights, i've done this drive for many years, I know when I have time to get the mascara on, or when it's just a lipstick light. Leave me alone and go pick on some other person, like yourself maybe, you know when you drive 80 friggin miles an hour in the 45 zone while yapping into your cell phone with one hand on the wheel and the other smoking your cigarette...at least I do my stuff when i'm sitting still, so don't yell out your window while at the light to me, while on your phone and puffing away, "hey, put your eyeliner away it's not safe!' Screw you ok, your face is not safe for viewing as far as I'm concerned and the toxic stuff oozing out of your tailpipe probably means you need some service to your 12 year old hunk o junk, and the hairspray and product holding the front half of your mullet up 4 inches in the air might just spontaneously combust when you light your next ciggie, so don't talk to me about SAFETY, K?

You all have a nice day now ya hear.

Today was the first day back to school for my two older children, Loud Girl is starting 3rd grade and my son Green Bean is starting 1st. Now before all you teachers out there blast me for celebrating, my reasons for happiness are not purely for having them out of the house.

1. Back on Schedule...this is huge for my family, we don't really schedule much over the summer time months, we relax, we play, it's all good. BUT...especially for Loud Girl, the schedule imposed by the school day and the back to school week really does provide a structure that is helpful. We get in a good flowing routine, we accomplish more, we focus better as a family.

2. Boredom...they were getting bored, TRULY. The excitement they had for getting back was contagious for all of us. We've gotten more done in the past week on the home front than in the prior month, it's been fun. We're heading up a neighborhood picnic in a month, it'll be in our back yard and our neighbors back yard, but I'm the "committee" so to speak, it was my idea and hubby and the kids are onboard to help out. So that has been fun and the productivity in the house has given all of us another reason to focus and work together.

3. Daddy time...my husband is a stay-at-home dad, and although he has loved the summer time fun with all the kids, this gives him some sanity time, just him and the baby each day, he gets more done in and out of the house, errands are done without as much turmoil and planning. In short, I have less to do in my time at home, he can do the grocery shopping with one much easier than 3. He can go to DMV, dry cleaners, and bank quickly and efficiently. He feels better about himself and I feel better about the house running well.

4. WOO_HOO, BACK TO SCHOOL. I do have a few things that I will miss, too -- I'll miss the lazy days of summer, the kids playing at the pool with little care in the world but who's jumping off the diving board next. No homework each night, we'd play games, charades, read together, but no forced has to get done homework. I'll miss being able to talk to my sisters during the day, and knowing they can come up if I had any kind of tragedy during the week, I could go and see them and they wouldn't be really really tired and drained, we'd talk about lots of things and they wouldn't be overwhelmed with life coming at them and having to manage not just their own lives professionaly and personally, but the lives of the students they teach. Because let's face it, that's what they do.

They teach, yeah of course. But as I've said before, they parent, they guide, they inspire, they mold these kids. And unfortunately, they have to do this for a lot of the parents they have as well.

So for all the parents out there celebrating I'm with ya on that! For all you teachers going back to the schools, I feel for you, thank you and I'll keep on bringing in presents and care packages to get you through the next 10 months, hopefully it'll have some really good highlights for each of you. Especially for BG and Wine Girl..I love you two, MEAN IT!

Today has just been odd from the start, I should've known when the baby decided to sleep in and not be my external alarm clock that the world was tilting off it's axis a bit...I chose not to see the signs, I got ready and out of the home EARLY, with my lunch and breakfast??? And I was fully dressed with makeup on?? This never happens.

There was NO traffic on my way in??? What in the heck is going down today, I'm the luckiest little bee in the universe right, so I'm REALLY early to work and I'll get a few things done quickly and be able to enjoy my coffee without gulping, wow, this is good.

Days like this don't usually happen in my world, and I'm ok with that. I should've known better.

I exit the stairwell from the parking garage on to the cobblestone walking mall, it is lovely this downtown area where I work, pleasing in many ways. Pretty, culturally active, offers wonderful eateries and shopping, and a variety of human experiences with a diverse community.

Upon my exit, I begin my brisk walk to my office...there in the center of the mall is a couple, man and woman, of the street version, borderline personality appearing type. They are hollering at each other about who they want to go see and what they are going to do. *not a lot of folks out yet this time in the morning mind you, so they are either partially deaf or just very LOUD people*...the woman walks in one direction the man begins to walk in the same direction as I, he's a good 15 feet behind me. As I cross to the other side of the mall where my building is, I hear these fast, little footsteps, like the padding of a jogger coming up behind me. *pitter, pitter, pitter* then with warm smelly breath by my ear, in a whisper I get this...

"gojohnny, go johnny, go johnny, go"

over and over again, rapidly, at a whisper right next to my head...WHAAAAAAAAAT!

I just walk faster, i don't even look, i know it's the crazy man, crap, what should I say, "Please step back you're invading my personal space"? Well, before I can think about my response, there is this woman walking on the other side, with her kids, one in a front carry pack, and the other in a stroller, she hollers to me, "Come here! You OK! I didn't see you!" I don't know this woman from boo, I walk to her, whisper man shuts up and moves along....he's maybe 10 feet away and she's saying to me, "you ok, I saw that, how odd, you ok?" and he's starts yelling....

"I RUN THE MARATHON, GO JOHNNY GO JOHNNY, YOU RUN THE MARATHON, I RUN IT GO JOHNNY GO JOHNNY"

I have no idea...I say bye to the lady thank her for her effort and comment on her adorable kids...I go to my office unlock the doors and skitter upstairs shaking my head.


Later this morning I had to run to the post office...I get yelled at by the post man behind the counter because the package I'm mailing has DUCT tape on it, and how come I don't know the rules, *said package is not even mine, mind you, but a co-workers whose wife asked him to mail and I was going already so took it* He reallly was upset but tried his best to be nice, I don't think those postal people are very happy.

I walk out of the post office, there is googly-eyed, goggle wearing, traveler man, I call him this b/c he has the big back pack piled high, he looks like he's been hiking through towns for the past 10 years with maybe 2 baths and no toothbrush on board. He has his arms crossed in front of him like he's sizing all the passersby up, I walk by, make eye contact, so I smile, and he says, "Hey, You're just a trouble maker!"

I never have days like this, I've never been a stranger magnet of any sort, I don't make trouble.

I get back to the office and tell my friend who's package it was about the day, he says, "you should just go home now, it's probably safer there"

Any tips on dealing with people who are living out there on the streets and like to chat you up? Feel free to pass them along.

I think I've got slacker syndrome, really today I'm the poster child for slackers.

My mother was coming by the house today to pick up my oldest for a "girly day" and I didn't really clean up much, that is odd for me, I always feel her pressure and I just didn't,,,my hubby felt if for me and did all the pick up and organize crap after I left for work, I'm sure not enough and I'll be mortified later and have to hear her say stuff like, "you still have the cleaning woman come every 2 weeks don't you, she must be due any day now I'm sure" and then this "you know dear, are you sure your husband isn't depressed, by the looks of the house he must be and I can see he's put on a few pounds since he's been a stay-at-home dad, I think he needs to go back to work don't you?" and there's always the "I really thought I taught you girls better, I mean look at how unorganized that place is Lil'sis, you better teach those children better than that, their rooms could be much more presentable you know. You should keep your house well enough that people can just drop in and it be presentable." I like that one especially....

People drop by all the time, and my house isn't neat, but it sure isn't dirty. I have 3 kids, 8, almost 7 and soon to be 9 month old. It's not going to be all that neat if I'm going to have time to sleep at night. I KNOW i could do better, I KNOW i've done better than it currently is, I KNOW I'll do better given some time. I am a bit ashamed of it really when I think about it, I just don't usually have time to think about it to feel so badly.

I have friends whose homes look amazing, inside and out, they are organized, they have things in their rightful place, all repairs and clean-ups are done in a very timely and efficient manner. I do envy these friends, tremendously even, I'll probably get a few extra months in Purgatory for this clean house/organized person envy that I harbor. I don't know why I have such a hard time with this stuff, I try, but I always get side tracked, caught up in something with 4 projects going...on the rare occaision that I stay focused and finish up a project it normally looks quite good.

My sisters have both said to me in the past, "other people will be mean to you, say mean things, don't say them to yourself".

Moving On...we traveled this weekend. First to the beach where my one sister and her children live then the next day further south to the "resort" beach where friends of ours own a vacation home, we had such a lovely time.

Isabel LOVES the ocean, the sand, the wind, the people, the noises. She just loved every bit of it. It was so cool to see her seeing all of it for the first time, her reactions to the different sensations, I remember the first time I brought each of my children to the ocean, and each time they were amazing experiences. The kids body surfed and built castles, and dug for little sand crabs and walked in the bay and caught real crabs and clams later that day too.

The only bummer the whole weekend was that all the fun came along with lots of great food and wonderful drinks of a tropical nature...these all reaked havoc with my WeightWatchers plan that I started nearly 6 weeks ago, I'm doing well, some days are better than others, but I've lost each week and enjoy the positive changes in me and my family so far. But I just put all my food/drinks in for the weekend and am chagrined to say the least about GOING OVER my set points total!! Holy cow, how did that happen, I'm usually so full just eating my regular points they are right when they say "empty calories" a Daquiri with Rum is 7 points, that's about a third of the point I should eat in a DAY, and not filling at all! But I had a wonderful time and visit, and wouldn't change it. Just glad I don't eat and drink like that daily, I'd be a drunk fat homeless woman living in the sand at the public beach in Key West! I did see plenty of them when I visited there too a few years back, but I guess if you're going to be homeless, doing it in the warm soft white sand of Key West wouldn't be the worst location.

I've rambled enough...lots of love to you all.

I have a friend whose oldest child (7) went to sleep away camp for the first time, she asked, begged and pleaded...one of her very best little friends was going to this camp. Now the camp itself doesn't really fit her personality, she's a quiet, artsy little girl, not the outdoorsy hanging in the dirt type of kid, she lives with a lot of structure and thrives in it.

So she goes.

They get a card today, written the first day she arrived, saying "Mom, I want to come home. Me"

Well Mom wants to drop all and go get her NOW, Dad says No, she needs to know she can do it, she wrote the card the day she arrived, she's probably having fun by now...you see the argument here really.

So what do you do? As a child of 6 I went away for a month with my next oldest sister she was 7, to another state entirely, on a plane, we hated it the first week really...then we got in a routine, we had fun, we made friends and they are some of my earliest real memories of things, where I remember it all, not just snippets or a feeling, I remember it all. I'm glad I stayed, now it wasn't a camp per se, it was the Florida home of my great Aunts, we were pretty much left to do what we wanted and we played with the cuban children that lived next store most of the time and went out to eat at early bird specials and swam with the neighborhood kids and boiled in the heat of Florida in the summertime. The Aunties were old, good people, but old and they smoked a lot and had the largest breasts I've ever seen on any woman EVER, my sister and I called them Rockets at the time. They loved us, we didn't know them well before we went, and I don't remember seeing them all that much on a regular basis after that, but they loved us.

So I know it's different, but we did it. We stayed even though we protested and begged to leave. Probably killed my mom at the time with the sobbing on the phone.

So do you have a good camp story, a good memory, or no? Should they let her stay till Saturday or rush in and save the day and take her home? It's a tough one and as a parent, just tears you up.

Your Deadly Sins
Lust: 40%
Greed: 20%
Pride: 20%
Sloth: 20%
Envy: 0%
Gluttony: 0%
Wrath: 0%
Chance You'll Go to Hell: 14%
You'll die from overexertion. *wink*

Found this here: http://www.blogthings.com/howsinfulareyouquiz/

But I couldn't get the format to paste right, so here's my cut and paste version. How did you do?

I'm so happy that my hell chance is low, I knew I'd score low on wrath, thought I'd be higher on sloth, and was happy at my envy results.

I'm sure most of you can agree on this point, I really don't know anyone who thinks otherwise. I've yet to find the novelty or charm in being broke. I have a nagging suspicion that there really is no novelty or charm in it, it just sucks. Feel free to enlighten this working mother of three on this point. Suffice to say, right now I just hate it.

I also hate that I'm blogging on it, another peeve of mine is people who can talk of nothing but there money, either their money woes or their overabundant supply that they need ideas on how to spend it.

I keep feeling like I'm nearing the end of this long tunnel, and at the end, which I'm sure is just around the next corner or pay day if you will, I'll actually see the light a bit, I'll be getting a small step ahead. But I'm just not getting there, I feel so in the dark. I know where my money goes, it's just there are so many places, and I only have one credit card and it's not maxed out....I just want this money stuff to get easier. I worry that my husband will have to go back to work to a job that is just that, a job that he hates, just work for the money. Right now him being home with the children has been such a blessing. So good for the kids and our marriage. When he used to go to work (he was a police officer) I hated it. Come to think of it I hated it more that these current money woes, so I guess there's an answer for me right. It could be so much worse. I can do this, we can do this I'm sure.

The world's a very big place, and in the big picture I know this is all very small potatoes, really not a big deal. No one is bombing me, I have a great home and family. I don't have to worry about IED's or WMD's around the corner or anything. This really is so trivial now I'm just pissed off for blogging on it!

Oh happy day!

Now I don't have a dog, have had one since we've had children, and it did not work for us, she went to a very good home, so don't wag your fingers at me on this, I didn't and wouldn't dump an animal at the pound. When we "babysit" others dogs I always carry the baggie and pick up the poop, I've stepped in my share over the years to know what goes around comes around.

I had to run an errand today, while walking I see this enormous load of dog crap on the way, I can see that a wheel of some sort just went through said pile...not 20 feet ahead of me I see a very busy mom, 2 kids in tow, pushing her stroller...she's tired hot and now she's smelling something foul. I let her know that I think she just strolled through poop, she sees, she sighs, and says, "what more can happen today?" I get her some paper towels and we clean the stroller up. She was not having a good day, and I think this last little bit was about to break her, her eyes looked weary.

I hope the dog takes a poop on it's owner's pillow tonight and they roll face first into it.
Sorry nice lady that you had a bad day, hope it gets better.

enchilada baby..

Those are words I spoke to my father when I was a rebellious teenager, if you can even call it that, I was so goody goody it makes me a bit ill now even, but this particular evening I had actually gone to a party and had a few drinks, and when I arrived home late he looked at me and told me he was disappointed.

Thus my response. I believe if not for the presence of my older sister Buddha Girl at the time I would have been whacked really hard, but she stepped in and Dad cooled off, like he usually did. I was never hit by my father, spanked once when I was 5 and I remember it vividly and I deserved it probably. But outside of that, it was all about the "I find this very disappointing"...that was the worst, I hated to disappoint my parents, and for the most part I don't think i did disappoint my father really, my mother is another story, in her eyes I'm sure I'm a constant disappointment, from the way I raise my children to my choice of spouse, when I got married, how many children I have, my hair, my looks, all of it never really measure up and like an idiot I keep trying to fix it. I keep trying to do my best in her eyes.

Well I've realized, (not really, but maybe a little) that I more than likely will never change her opinion, she will always "tsk, tsk" me, and my choices, she will criticize in her oh so subtle mild way that is supposed to sound like its a compliment in a round about way. She will be disappointed no matter what I do, so why try I ask myself, and I continue to try.

I've made lots of choices in my short life, some I'm very proud of, others not so much, but they are mine. I've chosen not to go down roads and not to associate with people for many reasons, but mostly because I don't like negative situations or people. I'm basically a happy person, I get through things well I think, deal with what I'm given, try not to complain too much. I can't choose her , she's my mother, and I just hope I don't end up like her.

I don't think I will, but one does worry about these things.

Lately I find myself looking for contentment, I just want an even keel, no drama. Just content, I don't need to be too happy, I can deal with the run of the mill troubles that arise, no problem. Life happens, just your basic contentment is what I'm looking for.

Had a great evening yesterday with my kids and husband, it was nice, nothing amazing, we just sat, played games, read, they put on a puppet show and we snuggled. Uneventful, but so what I've been longing for. Sometimes you do get what you need.

I hate talking about money, it's stressful for me lately, so I'm not saying any more on that topic, I know wishing it away doesn't work so I deal with it head on but it leaves me spent and stressed.

Hippi chick did her list of 5's so I'm doing mine:

5 things Always in my purse:

My favorite Kate Spade wallet
Hairbands (for me and children)
Altoids (hate any hallitosis)
Fruit, today it's an apple, Fuji
Halls lemon flavor, you just never know when you may need one

5 Things always in my wallet:

Drivers License
Variety of discount cards for grocery stores
More hairbands and paper clips
Lint
the charm my mother gave me that is made from the gold/platinum from my father's wedding band

5 Things always in my fridge:

Milk
Apples
Wine
Salad fixings
Salad dressings

5 Things always in my closet:

Shoes, and lots of them
My wedding dress, never to be taken from the packing I imagine
a Light fixture I want to put up in my bathroom
My husband's old briefcase from when he used to work out of the home
A box of keepsakes from highschool and college(letters, pictures, etc.)

5 things always in my car:

Parking card for work
umbrella
tissue box, (sometimes it even has tissues left in it)
2 DVD players for the kids
Books for the kids

5 things always on my desk:

water
papers
calendar
coffee
financial calculator

5 people to tag:

If you haven't done it try it

Things are moving right along. My older two kids are away for the week with my sister Kathy and her kids, they are having fun, they call me twice a day and are just so sweet. They miss their little baby sister they said, so they send her kisses and hugs by phone, and ya know, she misses them too, we can tell.

Hubby and I miss them, we really do a lot together I've realized, the house is so quiet, I've read 2 books since they've been away and the house is clean! Can you believe that one! But I'll take my clutter and my kids every day over a spic and span clutterless quiet house.

Saw Mom's new house again yesterday, they finally moved in and renovations are complete, almost. The big stuff is done, their painter apparantely has some issues with the authorities and needed to spend 10 days in the big house, but he'll finish when he gets out she said, "drinking problem" she said in hushed tones... but the painting he's done looks quite good really. It was a fine visit, baby still cries when she looks at the AC, but what can ya do. We're trying here honestly. Mom cried some, she is overwhelmed I guess, moving is a big thing. New marriage, etc., she wants to be happy, she wants her kids to like her and to want to come and see her. She wants some acceptance. We're trying.

MRI is Tuesday, thinking good thougts and thanks again for all the well wishes, Loud Girl is doing pretty ok with all of it, taking it in stride.

Hope everyone else's weeks continue to move right along too in good directions!

Got the call just a bit ago, her CT scans are all clean and her lab work looks good. YEAH!!! Thanks again for all the prayers and good wishes you all have sent our way. We have Brain MRI week after next, Emily is going away for a week of fun in the sun with her cousins and brother b/c her mommy has to work, but she'll enjoy I'm sure.

Hopefully worst case scenario now is that it's just a flare up of her Opsoclonas Myoclonas (an antibody from her cancer that makes her have the shakes, stumbles, etc.) Chemo doesn't always kill the immune system enough to make it forget how to make this, it is just always there and kids get flare ups, etc. Emily has managed hers very well over the years with flare ups only when she gets sick for extended periods, but really done very well. In the case that it's that, we could do a few months of steriod and IVIG therapy. So let's pull for a nice clean brain MRI.

Thanks again all.

lots of love,
lil'sis

Emily had her scans today, nothing to report except that she got through them with only getting a little sick and a little scared. She was a trooper, we're off to Toys R Us tonight for the latest toy that suits her fancy under $25! Yipee, so much quality things to choose from really, ha! We should have results 24-48 hours but hopefully on the early side of that, the tech and our regular doc put in the request to have an "early read" done on the series, so we're keeping fingers crossed for positive results, I'm feeling good about it.

Write you all again soon and thank you all so very much for all the good thoughts, well wishes and prayers!

Scans next week and then 2 weeks after that, I just love waiting. Happy thoughts.

Thanks for all the well wishes, this morning while helping her get dressed, she says to me, "Hey Momma, are the doctors gonna make me stop stumbling, is that what they're trying to do cause I'd really like to stop stumbling and being so clumsy ok"

Ok baby, we'll work on it.

I had a bad day yesterday, I've had worse to be sure, and there were some highlights but overall a downer.

My oldest, Loud Girl, as her auntie affectionately calls her hasn't been feeling well as of late. She is a cancer survivor as I've posted on before. Well over the past month or so she just hasn't been feeling great. Her headaches are back, her tummy aches, she's got a bit of her tremors back, and lots of clumsiness. Her eyes have been "dancing" as the doctors say, but just a little. All of it just a little, but her belly has been hurting more and more frequently and it has gotten a bit swollen I guess you'd say. At first I thought, well maybe too many snacks, and that still may be the case, we just don't know yet.

The doc thinks it's something, not sure what but something. Could be in her brain or in her belly, could be something all together different. Who knows. So we go in for more CT scans and an MRI over the course of the next few weeks. We have labs run and we check things. Her chances of reoccurance are low, but as the doc said yesterday, "not zero", but low. The brain issue is a different animal all its own, a problem we found out about several years ago during one of her oncology scans, may or may not be an issue. We'll see I guess. Appointments take time, then results take time as I'm sure many of you know unfortunately, waiting for results is tiring, stressful, draining, angst ridden. Not much more to say about that.

HOWEVER, on to the topic of the front desk staff at the oncology center, they are filling in for the woman I usually work with, she's taken the summer off the good lady, lucky her I say, she does a damn fine job, she has a heart. Now the 2, yes that is correct, 2 lazy mean bitches who are filling in for this ONE woman stink! They are heinous, ugly, bad hair to boot! Heartless, selfish pigs. Trash to put it bluntly. I don't like them can you tell. They were only cordial to me when they found out that my mother was a nurse on that unit up until she retired 2 months ago, when they realized that I'm family friends with the 4 staff nurses on the unit, that I go to BBQ's at the docs house every summer. That's when they were nice, because they had to be. That just got me so MAD. I wanted to say to TRACY, "Dear, no one is here because they want to be, these aren't well visits we're scheduling, these people, these CHILDREN, are sick, their parents are scared, you owe it to them to be a bit nicer, I don't care about your bad day or your good for nothing man at home or the poor dental quality you possess, BE NICER"

I didn't, I glared at her, I did ask her to make her best efforts on scheduling my daughters scans, I thanked her even. Well, I won't be thanking her again. She is dumb, as a bag of hammers. She called me today and was an idiot, my name is not that hard to say, try phonetically pronouncing, people won't get upset if they know you're making an effort, well she botched the name horrible, FIRST and LAST, and when I said it to her, she says, "I need Loud Girls mother"...without too much here I'll just say she is not performing her job well. I know my opinion is colored right now by that of a nervous and scared Mommy, but it is what it is. Maybe someday I'll be the better person who will apologize for my less than polite discussion, but not today. Forgive me.

Not much else to report on it. My daughter is nervous, when she found out that she has to go for scans she was at first scared, then she was PISSED, " I don't want any sticks!!! This sucks!!!" Yes that from my 8 year old, sticks are what she calls needles and IV's, and this should be a lot of fun. If you've never had the horrible experience of having to hold your child down so a staff member can get the needle let me tell you it's not a good memory to make. Husband is close to being paralyzed with fear right now, he said he just can't talk about it right now. He's had some bad dreams about it and said he can't go down the road of possibilities right now I guess. He's called me a couple of times today to see how I am. Loud Girl is home today from her summer program, she had a headache when she got up, so he put her back to bed where she still is for now. I felt ok yesterday, really ok, we don't know anything either way, just have to wait and see....but this morning on the way to work, I was upset, mad, scared. I don't want this for her again, for our family again. She will remember so much more of it now, she was just a baby before, she remembers things, but not a lot of it. More than I thought but thankfully less than all of it. She'll remember all of this.

So if you're a praying person, or you talk to voices, or you have any kind of higher power in which you seek strength, faith, patience and wisdom, ask them to send some the way of Loud Girl and family.

Your Hair Should Be Pink

Hyper, insane, and a boatload of fun.You're a traveling party that everyone loves to follow.

So what is your inner hair color? I must say I was surprised at mine, but I do love PINK

Thanks to Hippi for her guidance on listing my links, I tried the blogroller thing that Cad suggested, but I'm a dork, I have an account there now but have NO IDEA how to use it. So thanks again Hippi, sorry I interrupted your lunch.

Also, if I listed you on my links and you do not want to be there, let me know, they are just a small list of some of the sites I enjoy reading.

Can someone tell me in simple steps, how to post the links to the blogs I like to read on my page? I should know how to do this, but I don't and I figured it would be easier to ask you all then research it and figure it out, you all are the pros right? If you need information of any kind go the the pros in that particular area, that's what my dad always said....

So tell me please.

Other matters: Isabel is back to herself, sleeping happily through the night, taking her naps faithfully for the most part. Who knows, a growth spurt maybe.

I saw a man get chased on foot today by police, the pharmacist and the counter clerk from the local pharmacy, he stole his prescription it looked like. If I ever have to go the way of stealing and theivery, ( I don't think this will happen, I'm not inclined to steal, too scary, and prison would not agree with my delicate constitution) I will make sure to do it when this officer is on duty. The pharmacist and counter clerk were running way ahead of him and they look back and yell, "Come on, he's getting away!" The pharmacist was a fast person, she was on his tail quick, the counter clerk wasn't a "runner" but she was holding her own. The poor police man was staggering. Now I'm not knocking police people in general, that is husband's profession before early retirement to be stay at home dad, but they have exercise facilities at the precincts for a reason.

Update on the friend of husband's that had the unfortunate "video tape" incident as described in a previous post, he's not talking to us anymore. Don't know why, don't really care why. I have a finite amount of time here and I choose to spend it wisely, doing things that make me happy with my kids, my husband, my family and friends. People that like me for me, not what they want from me. I can't pick my crazy family God love them, but I can pick my friends.

Anyone ever see Willie Nelson in concert? If so, how was it? I only know "mama don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys" and am not all that familiar with the genre as a whole, any insights here are welcomed.

I've spoken before about my job, how I truly love what I do and where and with whom I work. I had my review, and the boss agrees, YIPEE!! It went very well, I was very surprised, happy, relieved and grateful. Knowing you are appreciated is a great thing, employees everywhere should always be so fortunate. This has taken a real load off, we've been hanging on and getting by, but we've been worried. The choice we came too having him stay home with the kids really makes the most sense whichever way we looked at it for so many reasons. Now it's ok, our choice will work out.

Hope everyone in bloggyland is having a great day!

I should've mentioned that yesterday. Isabel has never had any trouble sleeping, like I said she's been sleeping through the night since about 6 weeks old, except when she was sick with fever, but that's true for all my kids.

So last night we were worried, but guess what. I put her down in her crib AWAKE, and she fell asleep, ON HER OWN, no crying. We do use soft music, it times out after 10 or 15 minutes I think. She didn't wake up till 6:45 am to eat. I should add that yesterday she did get both of her naps in, good naps, and we didn't put her down as early as we had been. Kept her up an extra 45 minutes or so. Hubby did some research I guess and felt these would be good things to try. She's always taken naps, but in the past week her schedule has been off. I know it's not a pattern yet, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed for tonight.

On another note, my dear mother came over tonight with her new husband. Try as they might, they just don't really like us. I said as much. The response was, "Oh, don't be silly, he likes you all just fine" *this was out of his presence, and she was trying so hard to convince me, so I know he doesn't really like us but does want there to be a level of comfort*for my mother's sake I think* She brought boxes of her hand me downs, bowls, cannister set, draperies, various items that she thought I could use, then she brought the DAD box.

My father, if you don't already know, died in February of 2004. We were all very close to him, it was a long dying process. He had lupus, heart and lung disease, and lastly lung cancer. He was in hospice, and his death and dying never defined who he was.

Well the DAD box consisted of items of his. Mugs I had given him, hats I had given him (he loved baseball hats, and some very stylish hats as well), he was a huge NY Giants fan, season ticket holder all my life, we are all fans to this day. Well, he went to the SuperBowls when they were in them and would get the plaque of the team at the end of the winning seasons, well this plaque was in the BOX. One of the hats was his favorite, BG knows the one, it's in the picture she swiped from mom's house, the USS Connolly hat that he had on in the wedding shot. (That was the ship my brother in law was on when he was in the Navy). Lots of little treasures for me, for my family, but I guess I had a look on my face. Mother says, "Well I kept a couple of his hats, they are mine and that's it, MINE, but I have no use for all this stuff, I don't want to just keep it all in a box, thought you all might have a use for some of it." I understand, I do, BUT, there are things I just keep in a box. They don't have any implied USE, they just are. They are little memories. We all have them I thought, we all keep things like this, I thought. Maybe she just can't anymore, maybe it's just too much for her. I know she has items like this of my sister's, a large chest of drawings and sketches that she'd done. Cards and notes she'd written, pictures, etc. They don't have a use they just are.

I want to understand my mother, I just don't. She's experienced more loss in her life than I, and I hope I never have to, the loss of 2 husbands, the death of a child. There is only so much one can bear I guess. She has faith, I think it guides her, but I think also for her now her life is more about survival, finding happiness, or what she perceives as such, for the remainder of her days. I think she's giving up a lot to go down the road she's chosen, but for her it must make sense. I just miss who she used to be. I see flashes of it, and I have good times, moments really, with her. I want to be able to accept things the way they are. I'm just having a hard time doing it. My new tactic will be to try and let it go, let go of the worry and concern and just to be when I'm with her. If she needs me she knows where I am and my door is always open.

The baby has it. That's what the doc said to hubby this morning when he took her in for what we thought must just HAVE to be another round of ear infections. She was up nearly every hour on the hour on Sat and Sunday nights, and she's been sleeping through the night since she's 6 weeks old, until now of course. No fever, no stuffy nose, so we thought maybe just no symptoms, (I know it sounds so dumb now that I write it out, but we believed it in our state of sleep deprivation).

We need to start letting her "cry it out", now I didn't do this with my first 2 children, they were both sick as you may have read on earlier posts, they never cried it out. Isabel is healthy, I should be able to do this, but I know I won't or can't or both I guess. I've never been a fan of the "method" as I've read it over the years. I will try my best. We will try. We more than likely will fail miserably at this, but we'll try. Any suggestions are welcome on this one, or just some moral support will do to.

Now hubby and I have separation anxiety of our own, the separation from our nightly sleep is causing a good bit of anxiety on our part, will we ever sleep again? yes, i'm sure we will. Right?

It's not like she's an infant so much anymore, we're not literally up every 2-3 hours feeding for 30 minutes at a time, I know I'll try not to whine anymore. I'm just so tired.....

So they DID NOT fire the woman who throws basketballs at young children's heads and laughs, nope, when the director told my friend and her child, "I've taken care of her, you won't have to worry about her ANYMORE" What she meant was, I told the girl to keep her trap shut and not abuse the children so overtly any longer, she'll just do it in a nice quiet way that the kids won't be sure about for the rest of the summer.

I feel so badly for my friend. She can afford this program, she cannot afford most of the others in our area. She HAS to work, so does her husband. Her family is not local. Her inlaws are going to take her daughter for a week out to thier farm, her child loves these visits, they have a week of vacation in July and she's going to see if she can borrow some funds from her parents to help her afford the other summer programs in our area. I offered hubby's stay at home dad services, she could go to the gym and pool and picnics with him and my kids, they just play a lot in the yard and stuff, but he doesn't throw things at them, or ridicule them, and he's a good cook too!

She's going to complain more to higher ups, but she thinks it's futile. She said when she arrived there today and saw the woman and saw the smirk that she gave her her heart sank. Her daughter looked at her in dismay like, "mommy, I thought you took care of this?" Now she feels like she's failed her child. And she had to leave her there today. The crusher I thought was that the idiot counselor is STILL heading the group of these kids. UNSUPERVISED. They didn't even reassign her to a different group of children...all the kids were wide eyed this morning she said when they saw she was back.

I just don't understand. It sucks.

I've recently read some very funny things about miscommunication, here's onehttp://signgurl.blogspot.com/2006/06/he-said-she-said.html, I thought that was so funny, thank you Sign Girl for sharing it. I've read some not so funny items as well, downright sad in fact. People who fail to speak to eachother in marriage, friends who let friendships fade for reasons they don't remember, parents who don't talk to their kids, etc., you get the picture.

Well, a friend of mine told me yesterday that her daughter (6 years old) she's a friend of my Green Bean, well this child told her mom on Monday night that she no longer wanted to go to the summer program she's been attending. That was it, wasn't going anymore and that she'd go to work with mom and dad for the rest of the summer or she could spend time at Green Beans house since his daddy stays at home. WHY???? I'm so happy the mom prodded the child as to why, well you see one of the "counselors" really does NOT like kids apparantly. She likes to kick their toys when she's in charge of the small group of K-1st graders, bounce the basketballs off of their heads b/c it's funny she said, likes to tell the kids to shut up b/c they are annoying or ugly or useless. Well this kid just wasn't going to have it anymore, she told the counselor she was going to "tell on her", to which the young woman said, "I don't care, go ahead, they won't believe you!"

Well, she told her mom and proceeded to tell her mother the following (this is from the email she sent to me, names are changed)

" She said she didn’t care, then turned around and wrote my 6 year old an apology note for being mean, gave her the phone number and address and told her to come play. Then in the next breath told her she didn’t want to look at her or be around her, daughter told her good she didn’t want to be near her either and she couldn’t wait for her to get in trouble. This woman is crazy!! The program boss is off for the week and mean counselor lady wasn’t there yesterday when I picked her up. Tomorrow I’m going to talk to Name of person who is next in line after Boss lady and I know he thinks a lot of daughter. What a mess!!! I really think something is wrong with this woman! She told daughter that she knows exactly where she lives because her sister lives on street next to ours and she has been by our house. I think she gave daughter her phone number to try to bate me into calling her, so she could pretend that we were picking on her. Believe me I really do want to call her and tell her what for! Daughter was really enjoying the program too and now this crazy b_ _ ch has to ruin it! "

WHAT!!! Well I told her not to wait another second, to call now, call and talk to someone right now, that crazy woman could be doing the same or worse to some other little kid who maybe doesn't talk to their parents so well. She did.

CRAZY B===CH WAS FIRED YESTERDAY!!! There had been several complaints, SEVERAL. So last night my friend, who's phone number is listed gets several "WRONG NUMBER" calls late at night, with giggling in the backround. Idiots.

All this makes me happy that so far my kids talk a lot to me, they tell me about their days and I ask them how they are, we talk a lot, too much some might say. And we're pretty frank and honest about things. We've had some no holds barred talks for their ages I think, they are curious little buggers, but hubby and I will always be honest with them we've said. Sometimes it's hard, but in the long run I hope it helps them. That or I'm totally scarring them for life!

Anyone else have some good communication or miscommunication stories?

I have a bloggy friend, you all have this friend too. This friend is having a very hard time right now with life, marriage especially. I just wanted to take a second and let this friend know that they are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm hoping that clarity comes this friends way, that self-doubt and self-loathing exit their thinking, and that they find the courage to do what they know they need to for themself and children. This road may not be fun, but we are thinking of this friend with much kindness and love.

Friend, you can do it!

Yes, she is a crazy person, and there have been moments where I think she's a nice woman, down on her luck, a bit unfocused, hard to understand at times, but nice enough.

I don't think that today. She (let's call her TIS, for Thorn in Side) worked at my parent's home for a couple of years, she cleans businesses too and homes of others that I know. Well with my mother's impending move after marriage to her McMansion, she is getting rid of a lot, most, ok almost all of her furniture and decorations and dishes, and draperies, and towels, pots, pans, shoes, clothes, and even the contents of her liquor cabinet. That's right, she'll be replacing it all with new better versions all on the AC's expense account. At least she gets to shop in this deal she calls a marriage. Back to TIS, she wanted a lot, most of what my mother was getting rid of, and my mother is giving it away. Many of the items have been in my family for a long time, grandma's dressers, dining room set that my father bought and I love, china and silver from her wedding...stuff like that. Well naturally mother offered them to her kids first, and we've all thanked her for the items. It's nice to feel like I have a real piece of my childhood and as an extension, a piece of my dad and the memories of him in these items.

Well, TIS was mad. She told me so. She called me at work to let me know that I got a few things she really wanted. She understands but she had her heart set on it. "Since you gots your momma's stuff, I was thinking I could get your stuff that you're replacing it with" HUH?

She wants my stuff now since my "momma" is giving her the shaft, which she isn't but that was the point of her call. My mother did give her many items, linens, lamps, and a couple of dressers that I just didn't have a place for. My mother gave a lot to her church for their "annual sale", and she gave items to me and my sisters as well. Mother said that she felt uncomfortable giving anything else to TIS b/c when they came to get the previous items they just tossed it all around, rifled through it like yesterday's trash she said. It just made her feel uncomfortable she said, especially when TIS said "THAT IT?"

I kindly told TIS that my husband had already arranged for our items to go to a friend of his who is recently divorced, father of 5 and mom has left and taken all their items. But she was kind enough to leave him with the 5 children. So he's now a single father, one income, he's sold the home and downsized to save but needed furniture. We've passed it along. It was in good shape, not old or dilapidated, but I was so excited about the "new" items from my parents house. TIS responds that she doesn't have it as bad as that but she sort of feels like she's owed something since my mother didn't give her what she thought she was going to get. Got that folks. She's owed something b/c of my mother, so figures she can get it from me.

I was trying not to laugh (or yell), she said my mother was an "Indian Giver", welcome back to kindergarten folks, you heard me right an Indian giver.

I thanked her for the call and wished her well and hung up.

CRAZY