Crazy few weeks...
to say the least that's what it's been like since the new year began.
I just haven't felt like I've had much to share with the blog lately, not much of interest, just the regular day to day usual stuff...busy busy busy.
I did have a birthday this week, I turned 34, and it didn't bother me. Actually got me thinking, I was talking with a friend and said that I felt better today than I did in my 20's and she thought I was joking. I really do. I'm in much better shape, physically, mentally, financially. She replied, "ok so not after you got of college, but your later 20's, before you had kids"
Nope, not then either. I had my oldest child, Emily, when I was 25, Gabriel I had a year and a half later, I was 26. Ages 27-30 were spent in a job I hated, scraping by and shuttling my very ill children to and from doctors and specialists, hospital bills and lots of ramen noodles for me and my hubby.
Then I left my horrible hell of a job, we bought a new house, the kids got healthy so to speak...things got so much better. The death of my father and my husband being sick have been the big events of my 30's, then I had Isabel and things since her birth have just made my life so full, so very blessed. I have the BEST job in the world, I volunteer with organizations that I feel truly make a difference, I have faith in so many things that I didn't in my 20's.
Somedays I feel like this foolish optimistic blabber mouth. Over involved in things and irritating to others with my perkiness.
Somedays I feel so tired, stressed and full of worry that I think I should be medicated.
Then there are the days where I'm just going through the motions, a read a blog about this recently, she was asking if there are truly intelligent people out there who are content?
I don't really know. All the moms I know put on the good face, but we all have our issues, right? the things we struggle with, the calendar that fills up and we have a hard time managing, the shuttling from event to event, playdates, school functions, birthday parties, organizing and then taking care of the house and family. It adds up on each of us.
I'm still working on what I said at new year's, being kinder to others and kinder to myself.
For today, I'm feeling good, but that nagging feeling that stays with me, "when's it going to get bad?" is still there in the back of my mind. Things are just going too well to stay that way right? The second I actually think that though I worry that saying it is going to be a self-fulfilling prophecy, and that if it wasn't going to get bad before that thought, now that I've verbalized it, things really will, the "waiting for the next shoe to drop" feeling I call it.
I like being busy and having things to do, places to go, things to finish up. I like that, I would just like to shake that feeling of, enjoy it now sister because it's all gonna end really soon. Live in the moment more, maybe that's what I need to try. Enjoy this second right now. I'll try that too.
I just haven't felt like I've had much to share with the blog lately, not much of interest, just the regular day to day usual stuff...busy busy busy.
I did have a birthday this week, I turned 34, and it didn't bother me. Actually got me thinking, I was talking with a friend and said that I felt better today than I did in my 20's and she thought I was joking. I really do. I'm in much better shape, physically, mentally, financially. She replied, "ok so not after you got of college, but your later 20's, before you had kids"
Nope, not then either. I had my oldest child, Emily, when I was 25, Gabriel I had a year and a half later, I was 26. Ages 27-30 were spent in a job I hated, scraping by and shuttling my very ill children to and from doctors and specialists, hospital bills and lots of ramen noodles for me and my hubby.
Then I left my horrible hell of a job, we bought a new house, the kids got healthy so to speak...things got so much better. The death of my father and my husband being sick have been the big events of my 30's, then I had Isabel and things since her birth have just made my life so full, so very blessed. I have the BEST job in the world, I volunteer with organizations that I feel truly make a difference, I have faith in so many things that I didn't in my 20's.
Somedays I feel like this foolish optimistic blabber mouth. Over involved in things and irritating to others with my perkiness.
Somedays I feel so tired, stressed and full of worry that I think I should be medicated.
Then there are the days where I'm just going through the motions, a read a blog about this recently, she was asking if there are truly intelligent people out there who are content?
I don't really know. All the moms I know put on the good face, but we all have our issues, right? the things we struggle with, the calendar that fills up and we have a hard time managing, the shuttling from event to event, playdates, school functions, birthday parties, organizing and then taking care of the house and family. It adds up on each of us.
I'm still working on what I said at new year's, being kinder to others and kinder to myself.
For today, I'm feeling good, but that nagging feeling that stays with me, "when's it going to get bad?" is still there in the back of my mind. Things are just going too well to stay that way right? The second I actually think that though I worry that saying it is going to be a self-fulfilling prophecy, and that if it wasn't going to get bad before that thought, now that I've verbalized it, things really will, the "waiting for the next shoe to drop" feeling I call it.
I like being busy and having things to do, places to go, things to finish up. I like that, I would just like to shake that feeling of, enjoy it now sister because it's all gonna end really soon. Live in the moment more, maybe that's what I need to try. Enjoy this second right now. I'll try that too.
Well, happy birthday! Funny, a lot of people I know in blogland are about the same age as me. (I just turned 35.) I am glad things are going better in your life now. I know what you mean about waiting for the other shoe to drop, though. I think when you've been through a lot of hard times you don't trust the good times.
My contentment level varies from day to day, moment to moment. I try to live in the here-and-now as much as possible, to savor the little moments of joy and not think too much about the future or the past.
hey, happy birthday!
be here now. it's sooo hard, but something to strive for.
Happy birthday! I love the 30's. LOVE. So much better than the 20's. And the 40's are going to be even better. I keep this image in mind of a 70-something woman I saw solo-canoeing some rapids in Vermont. "I want to be her!" In my mind it's only going to get better and better as I age. In the sense that my 'looks' (such as they are) may fade, but my sense of who I am, what and who I enjoy will only deepen.
I guess I'm still in a place of waiting for a few big dreams to be fulfilled. Therefore, my personal challenge is more about being thankful for where I am now in the midst of moments of total frustration. I guess that keeps me too busy (I don't know if that's the right word) to worry about the shoe dropping.
Plus, I think once you have kids the weight of the shoes gets that much bigger?
Sheesh woman! Life is GOOD!
I think moms all have 'bad' day. But hello, every person in the world will run into a bad day now and then.
I'm grateful for the stress, worry, sleeplessness, etc. because all of those things are caused by the one which, conversely, make me the happiest: my son, my husband, my family, my friends, my job.
I will allow you to have that 'when is the shit going to return' feeling every now and then. In the meantime, revel in your happiness, blessed moments, glee, and, ever-non-present, silence. (We ALL have a little silence once in a while!)
SOOOO very glad that you're officially only one year younger than me for the next couple of weeks! Ha ha!
Happy birthday!
Being present in the now is a challenge, isn't it? It's hard for me not to get bogged down in the "What ifs". And I'm a bit at the opposite place as you; I need to work on not feeling like a vicitim of my own life and focusing on the many good things that are going on amongst the bad.
I'm glad you found time to blog. And I agree that the 30s are waaay better than the 20s. I like to think it all just gets better and better and better.
Hey Sis. Happy Damn Birthday to you.
We will be content one day. and not fearful of the future. not regretful of the past.
just happy in the moment. let's toast to that!
I turn 39 next month for the first time. can't wait!
love ya!
HUGS!
t
every day that you feel the world getting better is a day worth living
i am proud and pleased for you
live the best life