Lipstick Cover-Up

Just found out I'm going to Vegas, work conference, but ALONE!! My own personal vacation, I'm so excited

So sad, the where r they now stories. It's all sad. 9/11 was/is one of the saddest, scariest, heart wrenching days I will ever live through. For the people who lost someone near and dear to them, I cannot imagine the pain they feel. I know what it's like to lose a sister, and to lose a father. My sister was in a car accident, my father had been very sick for a long time before he died in hospice care.

It's just different. Accidents and illness are one thing. A terrorist attack, I can't fathom how that would feel. I know how I felt that day. I cried and cried, I wanted to just hold my kids and my family, I wanted to hide from the constant coverage, but I couldn't, I had to watch a lot of it. We knew people, we knew friends, friends of friends...people through my work.

There isn't a person I know today who wasn't impacted by that day. We all I believe live very differently today then prior to that day.

There are some who I'm sure are so jaded and self absorbed they think of memorials as a bother, as something they don't want to look at or deal with any longer. The "get over it" attitude. Well screw them. Screw their insensitive nature. Or just pity them, maybe it's fear that leads them to that.

A special hug and warm wishes for a day spent in the company of those they love and for a bright future goes out to my internet friend Sam and her sisters. She's one amazing woman, as are her sisters. kudos to you Sam, Dani and Alex, for living, for fighting, for doing what most can't imagine...keeping on.

that's the flashing sign lately displayed across my brow, people see it and they move away, they walk on the other side of the block, the shudder, they tsk, they judge.

So f*#*&$^$&OVER IT!

Ok, feeling better now. My marriage is on the rocks, the big ones, you know you see jetties of them on the shoreline, tell the kids not to play over that way, we've all ventured a stroll on them only to land on our butts as we slip and fall and bruise all over. Well, that's my life lately, hovering on those rocks...so to sum it up, it's not just marriage, it's LIFE on the rocks.

You know, I get through the day, i keep moving along, working on things, trying, trying harder...but i really suck at it all. I really want to runaway, so badly. Such a freaking wimp! When I look back on my short life up till now I feel like I've tried to navigate well, to enjoy, to live to my potential, I also feel like the issues/troubles/stresses I've had cross my path I've done my best to handle them with courage and grace and care.

The past two years for me personally have be a mind field, if not in reality, in my head. I feel shamefully dishonest typing this, like I've just kept of the facade of the chick that's got it all together, when in reality I'm just faking it all, and admitting it to the ether just makes it all true, I'm a phony, a fake, a liar. I don't even remember how to be honest with myself let alone other people.

But today, I know I'm working on me, I know I'm giving effort to fix what's broke in me, but I know, know all too well that some of the fix will not make others pleased or proud, happy or supportive of me, and at the middle of me is this great desire, no, I should say irrational need to please, to keep people happy to NOT offend.

UGH.

Lately, I feel the only thing I've got gumption for is my kids. I want to so badly to do right by them, to be a good mom, even if I do everything else wrong I will be there for them, I will make good memories for them, I will keep them stable in their home and surroundings, support them emotionally and financially. I feel so strongly about this. I'm like a mama bear when it comes to them, yet I feel like I've screwed up so much too, I doubt so much of what I've done, what I do, where I'm at, have I made the correct decisions...you get it.

But I'm not an emotional wreck 24/7, just moments. I don't trust my husband right now, and when I say that I don't mean about other women, I just don't trust that he'll be there for me, that he'll be a supportive person, that he won't just start to ignore me again and just coexist with me. I want to do the right thing, I have no clue what that is, but I'm working on it. My mother would do a happy dance if I said the "D" word, but I'm not about to do that, I'm not there. I would like for it to work out.

UGH

I've been alone at work, usually there's one or 2 weeks over the summer where I hold down the fort alone, the boys at work all travel...during these times I use the freedom to gut the place, throw old stuff out, make room, fill up bankers boxes of stuff to be taken to storage....kick up the dust, the stuff I never have time to do otherwise...it's gone well, but my hands HURT, all this packing and moving and carrying crap, I'm sore from lifting REPEATEDLY these 50 lb. boxes that I keep forgetting to put one file in!!

The perk of all this is that I can listen to my music during these long hours of manual labor...lots of music Love that.

If you don't know them yet and have an opportunity to check them out on itunes or elsewhere, look up the MOST AMAZING BAND 'Sons of Bill' - now I can't claim to know much country, or country rock, but this band, lemme tell ya, they make me want to know a whole lot more...they are a local band from my area, but they tour a great deal and their shows are just OFF THE HOOK CRAZY GOOD!!!! They have a facebook, a website, myspace, all that stuff, you can listen to music there as well....the website has some live stuff...and that JAMES, the lead singer and youngest son of bill, eat him with a spoon ladies, just yum yum yum....their first album, very good, fun, rocking kick butt stuff...their second album...ART, beautiful writing, melodies that make you melt, harder stuff that makes you want to crank it with the windows down...I hope they are around for a long long time, so go check them out...lemme know what you think. "Lost Love and Indie Rockers" - give me that any old time, "So Much for the Blues" and "Western Skies", not to mention "Roll on Jordan"....they are the soundtrack I hear in my head all day long, you got a situation, there's a song for it.

As for other work music, well, I'm pretty varied in my tastes, got lots of variety, the Twilight soundtrack has been prominent for me this week as well...."Eyes on Fire" I like that cultish song. Got some old rock that is great, got some new stuff that is fun....but I just keep coming back to my 'Sons of Bill' this week....like I said with a spoon!

Lots of love to you all, have a great weekend!
-Lil'sis

I always have so many things each day that I tell myself, "oh, so bloggable", yet I don't do it, don't get around to it, am overwhelmed by life and all that entails some days.

Well here are few anecdotes I've been saving up, in no particular order, and none would be their own post, so I'm just laying them out there, feel free to discuss amongst yourselves.

- There's this house we drive by on the way to my oldest child's best friends house, it's not part of a neighborhood, just on a road on the way. Lots of people live there, it appears several families, I think they work on some of the local farms, car plates are from Texas, many kids running about, always a BBQ in the yard, even when it's raining it seems. Well, there's this one thing we've noticed that stands out, there is this ginormous tree in the front yard, big and old good for climbing type tree, some low STURDY branches, more like small logs if you will, good for a swing no doubt. Well they added a swing these past couple of months, and not just any swing. It's a carseat, a booster seat with 5-point restraint, taken from the car and jimmied up in the tree with rope, it's a good 10 feet off the ground too. They put the kids in it, 5-point restraints and all and let them swing about. I thought this was odd, so did my kids, I have to remember to take a picture sometime. When we drive my youngest, who is 3 and in a very similar type seat in my car says, "look mama my car seats still in the TREE!!! Looks fun, can we do that at home!" NOT YET my dear, not yet.

- I have a friend, we'll call her Anna, she's pregnant with her first, she's a great woman I love her. She's the same woman who for years has compared her DOGS to my children, as if there the same thing...I loathe that, but I love her so it works. Well she's preggers now, the questions she asks are so funny to me, i'm so excited for her and her husband. I keep telling her it won't be like the dogs, and she just went looking at daycare options, she came back and said, "damn, I thought the kennels were expensive!!!"

- I'm taking the kids on a little trip, to the beach a few states away, a friend of mine has a house there and we'll stay with him. He's my bestest friend from college, yes he is single and yes I love him to bits, but not like THAT...the kids call him Uncle, it's sweet really. I was discussing this trip with a group of people at pre-school the other day, and when they figure out where I'm staying, that he's single, they are all looking at me like I've got a few heads or maybe just one eye on my one head, or that maybe I'm INSANE or have a bipolor moment...why is this so strange to people. Then one says, 'well it's not like you're a normal woman, all the husbands say that Lil'sis, you're more like one of the guys who wears heels'...WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? I'm going to take it as a compliment, but I'm not sure if that was the intention, they all chuckled, so I chuckled.

- I started seeing a wellness doctor, he cracks my neck and back and he gives me tips on how to treat stuff without medicine, and he's really great. I haven't had a migraine since i started with him and I usually get one a week, and three a week during my period, had my period and NO MIGRAINE...NO MEDS....I likey

- I'm thinking of stopping seeing the shrink, haven't seen her in a few weeks b/c of schedules, etc., and I've come to see that all my omissions when I talk with her probably are not the best way to receive therapy, it's not that I don't trust her, there's just stuff I don't want to tell her, so it's really a me issue...I hadn't thought much about that till I was talking with a friend and they asked what the shrink thought of something and I said, 'oh, i don't tell her about that stuff'...again the look as if I'm a cyclops...so maybe I should either stop seeing her and wasting the funds or find someone new that I don't mind telling everything to, I don't know really, but I'm more inclined to option one and just going it alone for a bit and saving the co-pay.

- Working for very wealthy people can be a bummer sometimes, don't get me wrong, I'm very lucky, but seeing the "haves" have so much can make one feel like they aren't all that successful sometimes, luckily I don't feel that very often, just when I realize their children are more traveled then me and they are a third my age or less. I'd like to "do Europe" for the summer, just once it could be fun right?

Ok, that's all for now, maybe I'll just post these little items each day as they come up, that'll save all the time it took to post it all at once...short entries are acceptable no?

Hi all, it's Relay for Life time again.

I've been an active participant for 10 years now, my first Relay was in Virginia Beach, I went with my sister to honor a co-worker of hers who was sick at the time. Little did I know how cancer would soon effect my family.

A year later my oldest child, Emily, then 22 months was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma with spread to her lymph nodes. She had surgery, she had chemo and immunoglobulin treatment for 3 and a half years. She was a trooper through all of it. Amazing. She was part of a research study for her disease, in her group of 5 she's the only child that celebrated 5 years cancer free.

Emily turned 11 in April.

My husband was diagnosed with malignant melanoma 6 weeks after we married. He's cancer free today.

My father was diagnosed with lung cancer, coupled with his congestive heart failure and battle with lupus it was more than his body could take.

I Relay for these people and countless others.

I think of friends, both from my daily living and from my internet family that have dealt with this disease in one form or another.

Cancer SUCKS.

Living isn't always super easy, but it beats the alternative. As long as I have breath in me I will continue to raise money for cancer research.

If you have a local Relay I urge you to go check it out, spend some time, enjoy the community of it, and stay for luminaria. It will change you, in a really good way.

Lots of love to all of you and have a fantastic weekend!

-Lil'sis

that's all i got for now.

Why so glum lil'sis you might ask....well you shouldn't have asked.

- so sick and tired of the crap with the husband and his doctors and whatever the fuck is wrong with him, the stress it causes the family, his crappy attitude about it all, feeling like I'm the only one who's getting anything done or worked on, why must I be his advocate ALL THE TIME and he won't even pitch in to do some of that himself...if there is NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT then why are you so fucking ill!!!!

- oh, and i still haven't finished the laundry, and did i mention i'm cranky.

- damn it all to hell, I'm now a firm believer that EVERY WOMAN NEEDS A GOOD FUCKING WIFE!!!!

I'm climbing off the soap box, thank you for listening. I'm sure I don't have anything that a bottle of wine, a good book and some lovely sex wouldn't cure...seeing how NONE OF THOSE ARE IN MY FUTURE...I'll settle for a nicely folded load of f*^%$^&%^ LAUNDRY!

I did it, chewed some ice, but more sucked on it, and then just chomped right at the end, it was soft, sure it was.

Amy, my big sister, or oldest sister since I have 2 big sisters, won Teacher of the YEAR for her entire CITY, not just her school, the whole freakin' city!!!

I'm so proud of her, we all should be blessed with a teacher like her for our children at least once. My other sister, Kathy, also an amazing teacher who ALSO was teacher of the year in her district a few years back....ME, not so much, but hey I got lots of the sassy genes!

http://kayleighannefreeman.blogspot.com/

Please keep the Freeman family in your prayers...I have followed their journey for sometime now, they are an amazing family, Rest in Peace Kaleigh Anne.

I chew ice, buckets of it, I love it, I'm addicted you might say. I order it at restaurants, I go out of my way to purchase it from good reputable ice dealers, I'm selective. I know the best places to get to go ice. I've done this for years, I don't use what my fridge makes, I disabled that and I purchase ice by the bag and put it in my ice dispenser and crush it. Oh how I love crushed ice, I cannot begin to tell you.

I have to give it up, I'm so sad and bothered by this, it's not a joke, I really am that pathetic. I fractured the root of one of my molars with my ice affair, I had to get a root canal done today, it's painful now, my entire face aches...and I'm feeling a bit whiny about that.

On another note, I've mentioned recently that my husband has been sick. Well, he's still sick, but the emotional roller coaster of the past week is settling down a bit. You see last week he got pretty bad, the docs said to us on Thursday, "we've got to rule out the big stuff first lil'sis, so we're running more tests to rule out pancreatic and liver cancer, and the possibility that the melanoma he had 13 years ago hasn't shown up somewhere else."

I've had enough cancer in my family to last me, seriously, I don't need anymore. My hubby, my daughter, my dad, countless friends. D - O - N - E!!

It was a tough week, waiting, tests, more tests, more scans, more waiting.
Yesterday they say to us at our "consult" appointment, we're ruling out pancreatic and liver for now, we're looking at some weird and rare blood disorders as the primary culprits, I can deal with that, that's manageable I say to myself, but it's not me that really has to manage it, it's husband guy. We were so relieved yesterday, I cannot express how relieved, we're still concerned, but we feel pretty positive that there's nothing they can throw at us that we can't handle.

If you're the praying kind, keep him in your prayers, if you're not, CHEW SOME ICE FOR ME AND ENJOY IN MY HONOR!

I could open up a shop with that name, come on by the Sick n'Tired today, we have a special on bubble bath and bon bons!

My hubby has been ill. More clots, blood sucks, or at least his does. I know I'm tired of this I can only imagine what's going on inside his head. Admittedly he's bordering on depressed again. It started a few weeks ago, he got a clot. It got better, tweak in the meds, it was "superficial"...whatever. It got better after a week of being uncomfortable. He was on the mend, back to himself. This past week, HELLO CLOTS, nice to see you again NOT!

And they are on the move, we had the calf, the knee, and now the thigh and hip area. He's got the chest pain, typical for him when he's having a bad time of it. His factor levels are ok, so he should be breaking them up. He's not. He can't walk or drive or move much without pain and did I mention the swelling.

It just isn't fun for anyone, stressful for all of us, routines must change and he doesn't feel good. Let's just not talk about money either, have some faith I know, it'll be ok....I'm letting go and letting God, well at least I'm trying to give me that:)

Got a busy weekend of kids stuff ahead of me and though I enjoy all of it, I'm longing for a respite. Just to be with the family with no agenda, no have to's to worry about. I'm whining now.

It should be a gorgeous weekend here, in the 80's sunny, and bring on the heat! I'm ready!

Spring seems late doesn't it, and we'll have a little summer preview this weekend, yehar!

Lots of love to each of you!

You know when someone says something to you that you don't understand and they refuse to clarify and just smile....and you have an overwhelming urge to SLAP them? Come on you know the feeling I'm talking about, today that was me and FEDEX LADY.

Now I like her, known her for years. Today she's dropping off and I go up to sign and she says to me, "hey YOU LOOK Different" and she's just looking at me. Doesn't say, you look nice, or pretty, or did you get your haircut (which would have been ok since I DID)...just says THAT. AND STARES. She even looked at my midsection!!! HUH Do I look fat, preggers, not like my dress WWWHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT???????


I reply: Different? I look Different? I got my haircut, is that what you mean?

FEDEX: no response, just looks, half smile glance down to midsection and up****

I reply: What, what do you mean different?

FEDEX: Have a good weekend lil'sis, cya!

I reply: *blink blink** mouth agape


WHAT THE HELL DOES "DIFFERENT" mean?

I'm going to make a real effort here to post regularly, I deserve to POST DAMMIT!

Even if it's small and relatively meaningless...here goes.

I was driving with the family to a dinner at friends house this past weekend, we turned off the main road towards the friends house and passed a home that was set back off the road a bit, many many clunkers in the yard, BBQ smoking and lots of people. Lots of kids....hanging from the tree was....wait for it....a child's carseat, rigged up with ropes and tied hanging from the branch...a makeshift SWING if you will...with 5-point restraint. I was aghast at first, then chuckled and I hear my older kids from the back of the minivan say, "hey look at that, they are resourceful!"

Only in the SOUTH.

Last week I dropped off photos to be developed for boss man, one of those portable cameras, don't ask any more about it...I drop them of at the drug store, a place of convenience correct. I ask the "manager", [I'm using that term loosely here, what with the bad shirt, embellishments on the collar and buttons, think a bedazzled man-child, plastic cuff links, and faux-hawk, he just isn't what a manager should be, even in a Drug store, place for convenience], I ask, "yes, I'm here to pick up some pictures" I give him my little slip, he goes away comes, back, "not in ma'am"....ugh, not only are they not in he calls me MA'AM....ugh double ugh.

"I don't quite follow you on this, ummm CEDRIC, ASK ME I'M HERE TO HELP," {i read aloud from his name tag with MANAGER written below it) "I was in here last Wednesday and I asked how long pictures took...." interrupts me, "you didn't ask me".."OH, INDEED I did, it was at 9:45am last Wednesday, I recall because I had a 10 am meeting right after this little venture here, and I remember as I was walking into that thinking I'd just made a terrible mistake, Yes it was you, do you recall now?" "um-humm"

You told me 3 days, I said, so Friday, you said, 'maybe, Monday at the latest', I was ok with that. When do you anticipate them coming in now? "I'm gonna say Wednesday?" So a WEEK, they Take a WEEK, NOT 3 days"

Cedric: Well, the holiday, it was the holiday
Me: What Holiday happened since last Wednesday, I don't follow that?
Cedric: You know the holiday and the weather...um the snow today, you know and the holiday.
Me: THERE has been NO HOLIDAY...do you understand me, and there are cars out, I'm here at work, the sidewalk is DRY, what are you talking about?
Cedric: Well, you know, I mean maybe they're delayed or somthin'
Me: Cedric, Ask me I'm HERE TO HELP, I don't follow it seems as if you are blowing smoke up my butt on this one, am I right, am I getting warmer now?
Cedric: I'm sorry, yes, I don't know, but hopefully tomorrow.
Me: Cedric if the return of these pics were of no importance I would never had ASKED the Manager last week how long they took, do you understand?
Cedric: Yes, hopefully tomorrow, check back, k?
Me:NO NO NO, you CHECK and YOU CALL ME, here's the number and when you talk to my boss and he's going all crazy on me about these pictures, you can tell him to CHECK BACK..

Now, in tandem with the above there are two younger men, too old for school, but apparently too young to get a job, just old enough to smoke and talk with foul mouths and gold teeth loudly about their urges to piss and git up in dat ass of some poor female they know, are behind me in line...saying things like the aforementioned as well as the intermittent, she rippin' him a new one, you here dat, damn girl is throwin'down, i gotta piss fierce man, yo day gotta piss pot up in here!

Things like that, so while I'm rippin' poor C a new one I'm also hearing that from goldie and his partner.

They get up to the counter and say to the poor woman condemned to work here when she says, "Can I help you?"

Goldie: Yeah 2 tings
First you got a piss pot, I gotta piss fierce baby?
Furloughed woman: No, we don't have a public restroom
G: I'm gonna F%$#&* call my uncle then! You know him!?
FW: Call whoever you want, I don't have a public restroom
G: My uncle OBAMA, he's Uncle to every black man and he's gonna be pissed knowin'this place uv conveenence (that's how it sounded) don't got a piss pot for me!
hahahahahahaha
FW: Well call him then, I'll tell him I don't have a public restroom for him EITHER

Goldie proceeds to laugh and order 2 flavored cigars, WINE flavor and flash his goldness and tell the woman, "hey babe, I'm just f&^&%&*%& witya"

Believe me, myself and all the other poor slugs waiting on line were so amused, this is what you have to deal with when running an errand in the middle of the work day.

Now I'm cranky.

Guy I work with told me this story.

When he was in college he had a frat buddy, the 2 of them actually weren't filthy stinkin' rich so they did a very novel thing and got jobs over breaks and the summer to pay for their frat ways during the school year. This friend, we'll call him Jim for purposes of the story telling, had a tough time finding something for the upcoming Christmas break, no tied in family members to help with an internship, he was from a fairly rural area, no big city to run about in and he was a FRESHMAN with no car, and it's only a month off so...his mama sent him down to the local WINN-DIXIE to bag groceries, etc.

They loved him there, he was one of their own who was now a big college boy, he worked hard in high school, he got a scholarship, he was getting out and making everyone proud, it was a homecoming of sorts he said. Now Jim had been fairly sheltered, we can say that without much worry. He hadn't experienced much prior to going away to school in terms of life lessons, but he did that break at the Winn-Dixie. He saw good people and bad, he saw thieves and poor folks who were trying hard to get by, he saw the well-heeled neighborhood lady, her husband was a local judge, well she liked to "flirt and swagger" with the young college aged boys, "the local cougar"...he saw folks do things they probably didn't want to but felt desperate. And he worked for a great man, a manager, Leonard, who was a forgiving man who helped out his hometown people as best he could, he gave away that's right, GAVE AWAY the day-old and about to be bad stuff to folks who he knew needed it, he looked the other way when a customer was a little short and instead offered to let them help unpack a truck "next week sometime" to even up.

This is one of the funniest anecdotes Jim shared and every time I'm feeling a bit down, bored, or otherwise non-plussed I think of this and I howl with laughter, maybe just howl on the inside when I'm at work.

One afternoon, during the start of the friday going home rush he noticed one of the regulars, a grandmother who the whole town knew come in. She kept her 6 grandkids, their dad, her son, was working at a factory 75 miles away and their mother had sadly passed early in life due to a tragic accident, she was Gramma, Momma, and caretaker to many. Times were tight for her and the kids. She was frugal, but her son hadn't been home in 3 weeks with payroll and it'd be a few more days before his return. She picked up a few things, milk, bread, peanut butter, some bologna [yes Jim remembers the contents he packed for her and carried the two bags out behind her as he always did and would place them in the back of her quite aging station wagon, wood pannel sides] a few other sundries. She paid, with a lot of change and was on her way, him following her with the 2 bags. She had a large coat on and was a large woman. She was walking a bit funny, he inquired to her if she was alright, she flushed a bit and said "yes son, I'm fine, just gettin'old is all" She walked 2 more paces and as she approached the door a HAM fell down from her coat!

AN ENTIRE HAM WAS UP IN HER COAT! You see it turns out she was supposed to bring an entree to the Sunday social that weekend, and she had always brought a ham. Leonard told Jim this later, they went to the same church.

So she stops suddenly and looks down at the ham, she turns around and looks, many eyes are upon her.

With conviction she shouts to all present: "WHO THREW -- THAT HAM -- AT ME! I SERIOUS NOW!"

Not a soul answered, no one responded, no checker rang anything up, time stood still. There were several muffled giggles at this point.

Leonard rushes over and hoists up the ham and says, "Grandma Turner, I'm so sorry, my young college packer here didn't double bag your groceries, looks like this fell out of the torn bag. I'm so sorry, please take this ham and I'll have him bring you out another fresh one as well for your trouble."

She welled up a bit, took the ham, said to Leonard that she was so sorry for the scene and thanked him. She told him to make sure he got a double helping of her candied ham after services on Sunday.

That was it.

I always laugh so hard after the part where she yells at them all, like she's admonishing a class of misbehaved ruffians.

I asked my friend if Jim told him other stories and he said he had a ton. I've heard a few others. All I can say is that I hope I can do something like that for someone else, or when I'm in need, however it is, I'll have a Leonard around to give with a grateful heart, forgive me and mean it. I wish the same to each of you!

Lots of love to each of you, hope you're well!

-Lil'sis

We have a snow day today.

I'm looking for new schools for my two older kids, Loud Girl is 10 (11 in April) and Green Bean is 9, so she's in 5th he's in 3rd. The current situation and the one we are looking at for next year in the same school system is not looking promising.

They go to the local public school. LG takes some special ed courses, gets reading help and small group for math, and has some accomodations made. She gets speech, PT and OT, but they are trying to get her out of the last two now and not have them next year, I think she'll be fine with that too so not upset about it. Speech we can work on, and it helps her. The small groups are the ideal thing for her, she has ADD and a large group she just gets lost in the shuffle, she's getting much stronger in reading, but she's not fast in reading or writing or calculating, when she has time she does very very well...it's the time factor and group size that are her biggest issues. Our docs say that her 2 1/2 years of chemo just sort of stopped things at a critical developmental time, it's going to take her longer to catch up, she didn't have a cold...this stuff takes years, and there's still so little research on children 2 and under who've had chemo...so it goes. Much of what most would consider her delay is her quickness to finish tasks, her difficulty organizing and socially she's a young 10, but a magnificent 10 as far as I'm concerned. She's had some recent bully problems, one girl imparticular is such a bitch I can't stand her or the parents and the school has done little in my eyes to fix it. The bare minimum. Also, we just learned that next year the reading specialist at the Middle school she should attend is being let go, and 2 of the Spec. Ed positions she'd fall under also being eliminated, cut backs you see. They'll "do their best to accomodate"...i.e., the bare minimum.

Green Bean is an advanced learner, fast learner, finishes quickly and usually with a high level of accuracy, he's ahead in reading, about 4 grade levels and same in math...he's bored beyond belief and he takes the "gifted" program that they have, which is an extra class 2 days a week and he's bored. He needs to be challenged more and can't be, they say when he gets to Middle school there is more offered, but right now he'll have to be a little bored or do more paperwork, read here "busy work" to keep himself occupied.

This whole thing just makes me sad, more sad even than mad. I'm looking at several options but I worry about affording it...I'll use my retirement funds if I have to and pay the penalty, if I prepare them now for college they will do fine, if I wait they won't be ready for college that's how I feel.

I was to visit one of the Montessori options here today but the snow day has pushed it to next week. I hope we like it, I hope it can fit our kids, I hope I can afford it.

I will pray about this, for wisdom and guidance and understanding. I want to make the right decision, not a rash one. I will inform myself, but the worry...I know I have to give it to God, not let it eat me up but some moments it's just overwhelming.

Kids (all 3) and hubby are all getting over colds, but this weekend my oldest said to me when I was tucking her in, "Mom, you know I don't feel good, haven't all day, but I was so happy today, I had so much fun with you guys, that's funny and weird to me that I can be happy but not feel good." I just smiled. I'm happy but don't feel good too sometimes. I'm grateful for the happy.

Good wishes being sent out to my sisters today as well. One just had hand surgery, she's doing well but overburdened with work and masters' program stuff, very proud of all she's doing. The other has had sick little man for what seems like weeks now, hang in there BG and don't you get sick again too!!! P.S. Happy Ice day off to you as well!

Lots of love,
lil'sis

for the post I mean.

I will answer to many names, Lil'sis, mommy, I have an official title at work of course, HEAD BITCH...but then again being the only one around that is female I corner that market, Manager of Rectangular office Operations, Head crap shoveler for the BOSS man, "analyst", the usual stuff.

But today as I skooted out the door to get some fresh java and noticed all the construction outside my office door on the 'walking mall' that I work on the hard hatted ones hollered at me..."hey sweet thang, lookin good there honey!"

Yes, it was a great feeling. NOT...but on my way back from said coffee shop, I tried to walk smaller, not be noticed, you know how us girls do, and i have on the cutest high heel boots today to, I was feeling pretty before I sojourned out at first. Well to add insult to injury, or really in this instance it's the other way around, injury to insult....I SPRAIN MY FREAKING ANKLE AGAIN!!!! IN FRONT OF ALL THE LOVELY CONSTRUCTION FOLKS...Buddha Girl would surely have laughed so hard at me...and the coffee I was carrying FOR THE BOSS I might add, goes a flying. Not pretty. One man was just sort of loitering around, I think waiting for the bank next door to open and he grimaced at me, oh the pain in my ankle, and he says, "OMG, that looked horrible" long pause and evil glare from me "oh, right, are you ok?" he added.

On a positive note, my birthday is next week and I ordered myself new beautiful boots, a couple of sweaters and new panties and bra, so so excited. My husband just called, my present arrived for me today....I'll limp and smile as I look adorable tomorrow in my new duds though.

On a lipstick note, got a new lipliner and stick last week, I'm loving them. New makeup goes a long way with me baby.

Lots of love to you!

-Lil'sis